. I refused to make my personal life affect my academic achievement because with time I believed that it would get better.
If I could count the number of road blocks I have confronted in my life, it wouldn't surpass the amount of fingers I have.
That sounds too cliche and awkward. Try contrasting it with some other thing...
But then again , life is not about how many challenges a person has faced, but the effort made to overcome them.
Why use "again." you never said anything before... so just say "but then"
One of the crucial experiences that made an impact on my personal wellbeing and academic standing was when I was living in the lines of poverty.
change it to "academic standing occurred when I was living in the lines of poverty."
For about two year about two years
The stove was full of rust and strains lodged with a fridge pushed against the wall and the bathroom was to be share with other residents.
the bathroom was to be
shared with other residents.
There was always some substantial food in the fridge to content our stomachs.
However, academic challenges soon a raised when I was placed in accelerated classes, where I can fulfill my full potential.
it is just "soon raised" not "soon a raised"
I recall a motto by Napoleon Hill "whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe it can achieve".
change it to:
I recall a motto by Napolean: "whatever the mind..." or "I recall a motto by Napolean Hill who said "whatever..."
I refused to make my personal life affect my academic achievement because with time I believed that it would get better.
What got better?! your personal life or academic achievement? So in order to eliminate this confusion state what "got better" rather than addressing it as "it."
I saw my failure written in red ink, but though it all realize my achievements were inerasable through hard work and endurance.
I don't understand this at all...
I found satisfaction in challenging my mental capacity. It instilled in me self- confidence, ambition and tolerance.
Change it to: "I found satisfaction in challenging my mental capacity and it instilled self-confidence, ambition and tolerance in me."
My bump in the road made me thankful for a fruitful education and opportunities to better myself. With this foundation, I believe I am mentally and educationally prepared to stir my course of my future toward the University of Central Florida University. I know this university will provide me with the skills I need to be succeeding in its Nursing program and curriculum.
Completely rephrase this whole thing... It is very ineffective...
Overall I think this is a pretty good essay. I like the concepts. Just organize them well and write an effective conclusion.
Hope this helped.
Good Luck!
Please help me with my GA Tech essay too...