'summer at the office' - Common App Extracurricular Essay : Summer Internship

Hi all, this is my short answer essay for the Common App Extracurricular Prompt. Right now, it is well over 1000 characters and needs to be cut down as well as edited immensely. Any feedback would be much appreciated. Thank you!

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below.

As I opened the heavy door, a gust of cool air blew into my face. Air conditioning? Check. Uncertainty? Check. It was the summer right before junior year, and I had just entered the South Bay Labor Council office. As the only high school intern, I juggled a multitude of tasks: Entering data onto digital files, organizing events, and making sure that each election I worked on ran smoothly. Weaving in and out of cubicles, I constantly ran into local community leaders, whose faces frequently appear in the daily news. At first, I felt inferior to everyone working in the office; the college interns successfully gathered data, secretaries were nabbing hard-to-get interviews, all during the hours I spent in front of the copy machine. However, as I gained more experience, I began to understand how things worked at a labor union. By my second summer at the office, I was sitting in at meetings, carefully listening in on this year's budget and which areas the incumbent had to address that week. I raised my hand and pitched in ideas that I would have never thought of the year prior. Working at SBLC allowed me to work with people from different parts of the county; all who have the same goal of helping improve the county. Through my role as an intern, I was able to learn what went on behind elections, as well as how to work efficiently in an office setting. When I walked out of the building on my last day, I felt like I had made an impact. Accomplished? Check.

I really can't find anything wrong with the essay. I'm really impressed by your creativity because it had me hooked and the ending was powerful also. You showed progression in the essay and how you conquered. The only thing I would suggest is connect the essay back to you, why did it appeal to you in a personal level. Maybe 1-2 sentences can show it, but then again your over 1000.


As a high school intern, I juggled a multitude...


I began to understand the work process of a labor union...

That's the only I can make it concise. Hope it helps!

Good luck with your common app!
Can you give my Columbia Supplement a read?

all who have the same goal of helping improve the county
all who have the same goal of improving the county