Any feedback would be appreciated. Feel free to critique any weaknesses or flaws that you see.
Colorado College Supplement Essay #1
How did you learn about Colorado College and why do you wish to attend?
I found Colorado College purely by accident. Living in Bethesda, MD, I knew little about small liberal arts schools hidden in the Rockies. My college search, up to that point, had focused solely on schools on the east coast. The January of my sophomore year, I took a trip to Colorado to stay with cousins who attend CU-Boulder. My parents saw the trip as a chance to teach me that hard work in high school paid off in the form of my choice of college. I saw the trip as a lot of fun. My parents warned me that I may not return to Colorado for a while, so I should check out any other colleges in the area that piqued my interest. I scoured various lists and college books, and only one school fit my criteria. Colorado College caught my eye because it was a) a small liberal arts school, b) located in a decently sized metropolitan area, c) academically rigorous, and d) had a DIII soccer program. I decided I'd check it out.
My first day in Colorado I planned on sleeping in after a late night arrival at my aunt's house in Denver, but she had other ideas. I was up bright and early at 7:30, not because I am a morning person, but because my aunt had arranged an early brunch with an old friend of hers, a Colorado college alumni and ex-CC professor. I had planned on visiting the school later that day, and this meeting was meant as an early introduction to Colorado College. I do not remember his name, but I do remember the enthusiasm and excitement that flowed out the alumni. He spoke of the dynamic and community that surrounded the school, how he had applied to Colorado College and only Colorado College, and how the block plan allowed for an intellectual experience unparalleled at any other college. I was enthralled. It may just have been that he was a persuasive speaker, but whenever anyone speaks with his level of passion and excitement, you know that the love is genuine, that the speaker truly believes in the message he is delivering. As I listened to him speak, I realized that this is the type of school that I want to attend, a school that is so beloved by its students that even after graduating, the student wants to return to work there, and even after teaching and retiring, the no-longer-student is willing to get up on a cold February morning to meet a prospective student and complete stranger and talk about a school he went to 30 years ago. That type of devotion is special, very few things in the world can inspire that intense of a reaction in someone. The enthusiasm that the ex-professor displayed for his alma mater was my first clue that Colorado College was something special.
I subsequently visited the Colorado College campus, took the tour, and enjoyed every minute of it. The day was cold (it was January after all) but clear and bright. The cold blue skies perfectly captured the snow powdered peaks of the mountains that seemed follow us, acting as our unofficial tour guide as our troupe slowly weaved our way around campus.
The more I researched Colorado College, the more it seemed to be THE college for me. Students and alumni I talked to in person and online were unanimous in their overwhelming positivity towards CC. CC isn't just an academically rigorous liberal arts college, it's a college where people seem to be truly happy with their lives. I am about to choose where I will spend the next four years of my life, and my options are infinite. I can choose to attend a school of any size, location, demographic, ranking (nearly), and format. As I sort through the vast array of possibilities available to me next year, I have certain criteria that helps narrow the scope of my search. I may look for the small schools over the larger ones, or schools in Colorado over schools in Kansas, but I only have one true qualification. Wherever I spend the next four years of my life, I want to be happy. A degree from the #1 ranked college in the country, or the world for that matter, would be worthless if I spent the years it took to get it in misery. Yes, I want to attend Colorado College because of its small size, its unique academic rigor, its breath-takingly stunning campus, and it's laid back student community, but these are each smaller parts of the bigger picture. I want to spend the next four years of my life at Colorado College because I know that I will be happy and that I will succeed.
A few suggestions:
My parents saw the trip as a chance to teach me that hard work in high school paid off in the form of my choice of college. Was the purpose of this trip to teach you, or to encourage and inspire you? This sentence is a bit confusing, i know what you mean, but there must be other things that taught you that hard work pays off.
Nice job laying out your reasons for wanting to attend the college.
I do remember the enthusiasm and excitement that flowed out the alumni. maybe say... "emanated from the alumnus." (alumni is the plural form, btw)
That type of devotion is special, very few things in the world can inspire that intense of a reaction in someone.
This sound a little weird, this sentence could be said in a different way.
The enthusiasm that the ex-professor displayed for his alma mater was my first clue that Colorado College was something special.
I thought your first clue was that trip you took, maybe re-word this sentence.
You are doing great with your writing, flow, story, everything. it just needs a few tweaks here and there. Nice work!
Overall, you have a very well written essay. Just a few small suggestions. You can take what you want from them.
As I listened to him speak, I realized that this is the type of school that I want to attend, a school that is so beloved by its students that even after graduating, the student wants to return to work there, and even after teaching and retiring, the no-longer-student is willing to get up on a cold February morning to meet a prospective student and complete stranger and talk about a school he went to 30 years ago. Perhaps you could divide this into two sentences?
As I sort through the vast array of possibilities available to me next year, I have certain criteria that helps narrow the scope of my search Since criteria is plural, I believe it should be "help" instead of "helps".
Very inspiring work. I wish you the best of luck as you apply to college. Take care,
Madison
"My parents saw the trip as a chance to teach me that hard work in high school paid off in the form of my choice of college. Was the purpose of this trip to teach you, or to encourage and inspire you? This sentence is a bit confusing, i know what you mean, but there must be other things that taught you that hard work pays off."
yea, that sentence does feel a bit weird. If I switch "teach" to "remind", I think that will sound much better.
