My topic for my "topic of choice" essay was going to be my experience studying abroad for 2 months, but I heard it was too broad of a topic. SO, I decided on writing about one specific experience, which was before my experience abroad even took place - when I was stranded in the airport due to my flight being cancelled. It's a bit wordy and I have so many things I want to put in it, but I just can't seem to decide which would work best.
Here's the actual essay:
I could choose to tell you about the time when I mistakenly asked my host mom in Spanish for the vitamin "iron" to rid the wrinkles out of my clothes, or maybe the time when my roommates and I poured our soup down the kitchen sink while our host parents weren't watching, or even of my experience studying abroad as a whole, but I know a two month journey squeezed into 500 or some words, is not what my experience abroad was about, nor what you're looking for. So, I'll tell you about the night even before all of that happened, when I was stranded at the Newark airport.
June 15th, 2008
I wake up, my body aching from the unforgiving cushions of the couch. Agh, Has the time passed yet? I glance out the large window at an overcast sky. At least the storm had finally passed, I positively think. I slowly stretch my way up on my two feet and waddle my way to the front desk of the room, saying hello to a few other unaccompanied minors.
"Do you need something?" The UNAM desk worker politely asks, her fingers scurrying on the keyboard.
"Yeah...uh...do you have my new plane tickets?" I respond.
"Of course! Once again, we're sorry for the cancellation last night. Your new flight will be leaving at 8 pm tonight."
TONIGHT!? I scream inside my mind/I internally scream. I had already been put through the angry yelps and pure chaos of airline passengers seeing their flights canceled, an anxious mom trying to reschedule my next flight, and having to sleep in the dreaded Unaccompanied Minors Room. I glance back up at the clock seeing that it is 9:23 am. What did they expect me to do for the next 11 hours? I decide to zip open what was supposed to be my carry-on bag and I see my Spanish Language book eyeing at me. PASO A PASO. Step by Step. I remember back to freshman year when I first opened the book and raised my eyebrows at all the different accent marks. I saw sombreros, burritos, a map of South America, and a familiar sight-a picture of J. LO, which of course helped ease my confusion. I focus back on my Spanish and knew a few airport words would be useful once I would arrive at my long-awaited destination.
I turn the page and notice a small note:
"Damon, how cool of you to want to study abroad! Have fun, be safe, and immerse yourself in the culture as much as possible!"
A smile forced its way across my face amid the disappointment of my flight being cancelled. My Spanish teacher knew I could do it. On the other hand, I dealt with my fair share of critics. "Why are you doing that?" and a few other off-putting remarks only strengthened my desire prove to everyone that I had the endurance and independence to stay in a foreign county for the seven weeks I signed up for. I was going to do it because it's what I have always wanted to do. It had been 7 months since I enrolled in the foreign exchange program and the time I stepped on European soil could not come soon enough. With thoughts racing, my mind slowly slipped into a daydream.
I could see it all. Experiencing an extremely different culture. Watching foreign television. Paying with Euros instead of dollars. Eating paella at a street side café. Adapting to the metric system. Strolling the one-way, bustling streets. People-Watching. Improving my language skills second after second, class after class. Going on excursions with the school. Meeting people from all over the world. Enjoying my life as an exchange student. Swimming in the Mediterranean Sea. Using the metro instead of a car. Spanish flowing effortlessly off my lips. Eating dinner at 9pm every night. Hearing my host mom call my name as if I were her son.
"Damon. Damon? DAMON!" - I wake up from my musing, realizing a UNAM worker yelling my name.
"Your plane will be leaving in one hour."
My mindset brightened and I felt as if I were gleaming/glimmering with joy. Hurriedly, I gathered my belongings, obtained my boarding pass, looked at the airport map, and began running through the terminals. I flew through the security screenings and finally arrived at my gate. I sat down near the big windows as I realized I was now an airport aficionado. It made sense since I had traversed terminals A, B, and C, determined which travel shops had the cheapest items, and SOMETHING. After a short-lived sitting, I knew my journey had really begun when I heard the airline employee shout...
"Now boarding to Barcelona, Spain"
Should I change my "hook" at the beginning of my essay to: "I put on my American clothes, eat my American breakfast, and go to my American school, but I realize something is missing.", keep it how it is, or change it completely?
Please chop out words that aren't necessary and make it more "tight"! Any advice is welcome. I just want my essay to be unique and memorable.
Thanks!
Hmmmmm . . . the rest of your essay seems to deal mostly with your decision to study abroad. How that experience actually affected you seems likely to be more interesting than reading about you daydreaming about it while stuck in an airport. Maybe you could think of a specific incident that happened to you while you were studying abroad that can stand as a symbol for the entire experience, and write about that?
remember to spell out small numbers!
7= seven! :D
i happen to like the opening, but i guess its not relevant :(
idk, i guess you should take it out, but its a difference it opions of readers i guess. some admissions pel would like it, some would hate it
The intro is a list of items you say you could tell us about, but aren't going to. Since you have decided not to tell us about them, why mention them? Either they are less interesting than the event you have chosen to focus on, in which case you are wasting our time making us read less interesting material before getting to the good stuff, or else they are more interesting, and your decision was a poor one. Either way, the effect isn't great.
All good advice and I'll erase my first paragraph.
I don't know if I should start all over and write about an experience while I was studying abroad because while many people choose to study abroad, most people don't get stranded in an airport.
HOWEVER, I was stranded in an aiport on my way to Barcelona and on my way BACK. What are the chances? Same airport too.
Agh, I feel like I've been editing this essay forever! I just don't know what to do with it.
But the essay has to say something good about you, highlight some quality or set of qualities that make you an appealing applicant. I doubt you learned much of value from being stuck in an airport. I assume, or at least hope, that you learned something useful from traveling abroad.
Good points. I can't think of one specific moment in Barcelona that really STANDS OUT. There were many fun and exciting moments, but not one that I think would catch an admissions staff's attention.
Should I keep the same idea of being stranded in the aiport and just shift it to when I was on my way home and got stranded? That way I could focus on my trip and how it has changed me?
well if you really have been stuck on this essay for a while, sometimes its best to just write about something completely different.
yes, its the wworst feeling to have to start compeltely over, but its for the best at times. this essay, unless you can POSSIBLY EVER tell how getting stuck at an airport made you a bteer person, (which isnt possible i dont think) then you should maybe find a different topic.
GOOD LUCK!! :D
HOWEVER, I was stranded in an aiport on my way to Barcelona and on my way BACK. What are the chances?
Actually, pretty high. I've been stranded I-don't-know-how-many times. Which is to say that, even though the experience was striking to you, it wasn't all that unusual. You do write vividly, and therefore could turn the experience into a workable essay. But, since this is your "topic of choice," you can also choose another narrative around which to build your essay. The question is: What do you most want to convey about yourself in this essay? Once you've decided that, you can choose the story around which to construct the essay.
Should I keep the same idea of being stranded in the aiport and just shift it to when I was on my way home and got stranded?
I don't think it would make that much of a difference.
You should focus more on what you learn from your experiences studying aboard and how it had affected you.
Experiencing an extremely different culture.
Meeting people from all over the world.
These are some points which you may want to consider expanding on.
I agree with Simone. Find your "selling point" and the setting or narrative should come naturally.
Good luck!!
Ahh that sucks. I want to make this the best possible essay and it sucks because I started completely over from my first essay to write this one. Hmm...I just feel like EVERYONE writes about how "something" changed them, but then again, I guess those essays work.
Err...I'll start on a completely new essay and see how it goes.
