Good afternoon,
What do you think of my short essay? Is it ready for submission?
Prompt #1 (transfer applicants)
What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.
In kindergarten, I honestly believed I was destined to become a great being, a superhero. With powers mere mortals could only possess in their most vivid dreams, I truly believed that I could save countless lives from the gripes of peril and win the peoples' gratitude. It only took me about a year to realize that this was not going to happen and thirteen more years of steady deliberation to arrive at a more definitive answer: I have decided to become a doctor.
On August of 2005, I revisited my hometown of Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam for the first time since I was raised there as an infant. While window-shopping one evening at a particularly busy intersection, a young man with neither arms nor legs had somehow made his way towards me and tried to sell to me a pack of Wrigley's spearmint bubblegum. I did not want the bubblegum, but I bought it anyway. He dropped his jaw and tilted his head upwards indicating that he wanted me to put the money in his mouth; I did just that. As I held my pack of bubblegum and watched him wriggle away towards another potential customer, I felt conflicting emotions of both admiration and affliction. I wanted to give the young man a better chance in life, perhaps give him something more than just prosthetic limbs; I wanted for him to have his own limbs back, but as I was, there was nothing else I could do. From that moment, I decided that a career in treating people was something I could be both happy and proud of.
Unfortunately, my involvement in the Vietnamese Community Health Promotion Project as a volunteer organizer and initiation as a senior volunteer for Kaiser Permanente of Santa Teresa are the only noteworthy acts I can mention as far as volunteer work goes. However, I have acquired some leadership and communication skills that I know will prove invaluable later on. Because my remaining time as an undergraduate is limited, I will be taking advantage of undergraduate research and internship opportunities as soon as possible during my next two years. As a stem cell and genetic biologist, I believe that I will contribute enthusiastically to the scientific body of knowledge.
Good afternoon :)
I think your piece is great; the content is well organized and answers the prompt, and it is grammatically and mechanically clean. Great work! Turn it in!
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
