"We spent so much money on you and this is how you repay us?" Since your last application- Stanford

Hello,

I am applying to Stanford as a transfer. I applied and was denied admission for my freshman year. On this essay I just wanted to talk about my trauma and how poetry helped me cope up with it (I have already written so much about my personal traits in my other essays, I just want this to be simple)

Prompt: Reflect on your experiences and personal development since your last application(250 words)

"We spent so much money on you and this is how you repay us?" my dad screamed staring straight in my eyes. With tears rolling down my dry cheeks, I looked at my mom begging her to say something. But the curves on her face could tell me, she had lost her belief in me. I pulled out every string in my heart to work for what I wanted, but luck does not always favor the brave.

I killed my dream to get into a great institution, a dream that was instilled in my brain since I was fourteen. My father didn't speak to me for four months. I couldn't take it all, I went into a trauma. Dark winged birds and starless thoughts became my friends until I finally passed an interview and got into X University.

The transition was difficult with traumatic nuances still interfering my brain. I started pinning down words to paper as if every single inch of ink was a collection of my blood drops framing a new life. Writing was an escape from the troubled rocks. In the end of my first semester, I created a Poetry Club where I spent a substantial amount of my time, jolting down random phrases with my team. We would then just fit in these constructions with each other to grow an infinite chain of unusual clauses. We took great pride at the authenticity and finesse of our material. It made me feel like a pure artist.

"We spent so much money on ...

The paragraph is very well written and an image of what actually happened appears in front of the reader.

The dark winged birds and starless thoughts became ...

You have very well captured the "Indian Mentality" in this paragraph because 90% parents impose their dreams onto their children. You should try to make it even better by capturing in this paragraph that your parents wanted you to be a doctor or an engineer but you always saw a "Poet" inside you heart. You finally proved your parents that you achieved what you strived for. This will change the thinking of admission officer and would see you as a great leader who has an urge to bring a change.

The transition was difficult with traumatic nuances ...
In the end of my first semester, I createdfounded a Poetry Club where I spent ...

Please do mention if your Poetry Club bagged any awards or special recognition. It can be done by quoting some examples of suicidal thoughts in your mind but poetry became your friend and you could talk your to your diary in the form of poetry. You passed on same messages to other students who joined your club and they felt really happy. Try to show poetry as your best friend. :)

I liked your poetry but this essay would hold good only if you are trying to seek admission into a literature or language courses. If you are applying for engineering or medical related course then I would recommend you to focus on academic achievements.

Thank you! I actually wrote a couple of essays on my academic achievements, So I just wanted to write about something that made me feel content.

The main message was that poetry brought me back to life from that traumatic incident. However, even I think this essay requires a lot of work. I'll just modify the last two paragraphs. Thank you! :)