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Spelman girls. What can I add to my admission essay to make it more interesting original and longer


mart8871 1 / -  
Mar 7, 2016   #1
Prompt: In determining who may enroll at Spelman as a transfer student, faculty review each application and essay. Please share with our faculty why you would be an outstanding student in their classes, discuss your college experience thus far and provide your reason for wanting to transfer to Spelman College.

Spelman girls do not walk on the grass because they do not take shortcuts. I saw this note while shuffling through college blogs one afternoon. Everything about the school seemed to fit into the type of woman I would aspire to be. A school centered on the empowerment of women that holds their students to such high standards? That, in itself, had me sold. I never really considered the idea of attending a historically black college and university because growing up in a predominantly white community.

( I would like help with a few ideas and how to word my essay, I have about 200 words that I would like to add on. How can I make my essay more intriguing and longer and original)

Spelman girls do not walk on the grass because they do not take shortcuts. I saw this note while shuffling through college blogs one afternoon. Everything about the school seemed to fit into the type of woman I would aspire to be. A school centered on the empowerment of women that holds their students to such high standards? That, in itself, had me sold. I never really considered the idea of attending a historically black college and university because growing up in a predominantly white community.

Growing up in a predominantly white community, I was set on following the norm and applying to big state schools. The thought of attending a historically black college and university never crossed my mind. I had no intention of applying to an HBCU until my brother, an alumni of Morehouse College, encouraged me to apply to Spelman. After I decided I was interested (after research and after seeing quote) in Spelman, we decided to visit.

When I stepped on the Spelman campus, I spotted several students dressed extremely professionally. My brother, an alumni of Morehouse College warned me that the students on campus dressed business casual, or just nicely in general. I admired this because I went to a high school that required nice dressing, and I believe in dressing the part. On my first day there, I walked into a crowd of people yelling, screaming, and chanting. I tried to insert myself into the crowd to see what was happening. I finally made my way to the forefront of the lawn, where I saw the Alpha Kappa Alphas stepping and making the zweeeett sound. Just then, music started playing and everyone broke out into the swag surf. Although I was alone, the girl right next to me, gave me a welcoming smile and rested her arm around my shoulder as we swayed to the rest of the music singing along. Everyone had so much energy, and I was automatically welcomed by strangers. I could not feel any more at home, like this was home.
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Mar 7, 2016   #2
Hi Natasha, I have read your essay and I would like to share some insights.
To address your concern, this transfer essay is meant to be an essay that will prove your worth in the institution. It should be focused on you and not on the school. If you go back to the prompt and review the purpose of this essay, you need to elaborately write about the academic achievements you made so far and smoothly transition to the future academic plans you have.

Moreover, other elements of the essay should involve the ones you have written already and this will be a great addition to your essay. Staying in the topic of the essay is also crucial so you have to keep your focus.

Moving on, you have a good start in your essay, you just have to re- structure it and keep a smooth flow. I hope to see the revised essay soon and should you need further assistance, we are here for you.


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