Thank you for any feedback!
To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance
My eyes darted out into the sea of parents, searching frantically for my mom. I knew she could not help me. Why did I not receive an easier word like bibulous? "Could you repeat the word?" "Accidentally." As many times I have saw, wrote, said this word, I cannot remember if there is one or two l's.
Three months before, I came home waving a list of words for the class's spelling bee. I desperately wanted to win. Not only would I be recognized as the best speller in sixth grade but also have the chance to compete against seventh and eighth graders. I soon understood spelling is beyond memorizing a bunch of words. I had to know Greek, Latin, Dutch, French, Arabic, German roots, suffixes, prefixes and homonyms. Committing to the spelling bee turned into more work than I expected.
Preparation for the competition began with purchases of Websters Third New International Dictionary and a pronunciation guide. From the spelling list, I created flashcards with the word, definition and pronunciation. The guide suggested learning the etymology and roots of a word. I had no clue what that meant. All of those foreign words intimidated me. But I was not detered; every day I pulled out the flashcards and study. I met a new friend: Merriam Webster's Dictionary Online. Sometimes my mother did not know how to pronunce the words so we used the Internet. Correct articulation of a word leads to greater chances of accurate spelling. I found out there is a format spelling bee participants have to follow. We have the options of requesting the judge to repeat the word, use it in a sentence, give the definition and the etymology.
A week before the class spelling bee, my classmates eagerly tried to figure who seriously was going to study. When I revealed my intentions, I received sideway glances. "Nia, are you actually studying those words? That's a waste of time." In their minds, studying for the spelling bee indicated intelligence which was not the epitome of "coolness." I did not care what they thought. Instead of giving in to peer pressure, I did win the class spelling bee. It was ironic that those classmates who did not learn the words were the most upset at losing. From this, I got the confidence that the right decision was made. Continuing my journey to the regional competition, I won the school's and district wide competition. The words became complicated and I soon realized that spelling bees require extreme dedication and stamina. Dedication to continually delve deeper and deeper into the English language, stamina to spell word after word in the actual contest.
The day of regionals brought on the sensation of boulders rolling through my stomach, down into my intestines. I never felt so nervous. Walking to the stage, I pleadingly looked to the judges table, telepathically sending a message to give me simple words. I advanced through several rounds, defeating each word with ease. At last, two contestants were left, another girl and I. It was a boxing match of words. The stage turned into the ring and I put on my ultimate fighting gloves, reaching into the deep valleys of my brain. I correctly spelled a word, then she did. The inside of my mouth and throat became dry as the Gobi Desert. "Your word is accidentally," said the announcer. "Accidentally."
I traced the word on my arm, tried to recall all the times I had seen accidentally while reading the newspaper. "Could you repeat the word?" "Accidentally." "Accidentally. A-C-C-I-D-E-N-T-A-L-Y." "I'm sorry, accidentally is spelled A-C-C-I-D-E-N-T-A-L-L-Y." I froze, the embarrassment snaked through my body and stunned my brain; I messed up a basic word. At that time, I only cared about winning. It was not until I reflected on those events did the significance of my choice register. Had I conformed to the nature of peer pressure, it would have been a missed opportunity to increase my vocabulary. Being myself in an environment of uniformness led to one of my most memorable accomplishments.
I really liked this, it's different and I feel like this will set you apart with other essays. Your humor and personal examples also makes it good, I liked it alot! Maybe add a little bit more analysis at the end, I feel like it's just a story and then it sort of abruptly ends. Good job and Good luck!
I do not know what the prompt is.
However, most of the time you talk about your dedication to study, about vocabulary and so on.
But at the end you say that your main point is not giving in to peer presure(by the way one or two s?).
So you should really focus on one aspect.
By the way, I would be grateful for feedback on my diversity essay
I love your essay, Nia! And thank you for providing useful feedback.
I have to agree with Max, though. Your essay focuses on your drive to win and then at the end, you surprise the reader by changing the focus on not conforming. I think this could work in your favor if you expound on your actual theme a little more throughout the essay and reiterate it more firmly at the end.
I hope this helps!
