We all exist within communities or groups of various sizes, origins, and purposes; pick one and tell us why it is important to you, and how it has shaped you.
In elementary school, I had been nicknamed the "smartest girl in the world". I enjoyed it, and expected to retain this title throughout middle school. My father, however, decided to enroll me in a small and selective prep school. I entered the school, expecting to sail to the top of my class with the admiration and respect of my peers, but it initially served as more of a reality check for me than an academic stage. I had thought, rather closed-mindedly, that nobody could do better than I could and that I really was the academic savior of the student body. Needless to say, I was proved dead wrong. The school's reputation had attracted similar scholars, and I was no longer considered a genius, but "pretty smart" in comparison. I realized that I could no longer coast to the top, but had to seriously work my way to it. This environment fostered my drive to success and the tireless ambition that drove me through years of academic rigor.
Thoughts, edits, please. The application process is exhausting.
The only change I made was one that doesn't actually affect your essay. Your grammar, I think, is good.
I learned from this:
1. You're somewhat rich.
2. You think highly of youself-not necessarily a bad thing.
3. You go to a competitive school, so an adcom may understand that there was rank deflation.
4. You're ultra-competitive. (might be a bad thing)
The essay on the other hand doesn't fit my picture of a Brown student (not so destined to be number one, and more passionate/hippie-like). I may be terribly wrong...not applying to Brown, but I know someone who goes there and I see the types. Also, this is a situation is one which many have already withstood, and doesn't sound particularly special.
Overall, this probably won't help or hurt you as the adcom reads through.
Good luck future Brownie!
