Please tell us more about your interest in Brown: Why does Brown appeal to you as a college option? Who or what has influenced your decision to apply?
Last August, after I toured the Brown campus, I asked an admissions office employee if there was any literature for me to take home. He responded that Brown had just become paperless. Because everything was now online, Brown was doing its part in changing the world. That's when it clicked: Beyond the freedom to pursue my passions and the acceptance I feel as an openly gay student, I want to attend Brown University because it is an institution where I share ideals with the people. Together at Brown, we could change the world.
Hmm... Brown is green and this told you that Brown is the place to be because you are openly gay. While I personally am aware of the emerging progressive literature linking LGBT and environmental issues -- I'll be happy to direct you to some readings -- I doubt that the connection will be clear to most readers. So, stay with this incident if that is when it truly "clicked" for you, but be more expansive in explaining the link.
the only problem im having with this, is i dont see exactly how your connecting browns changing the world to your being openly gay just yet.
i LOVE where your trying to go and everything, i just dont see how your there as of yet.
good luck!
Also, why is your response very short? Were you given a particularly strict word count, or was it a personal decision? If the latter, you definitely want to expand on both of your existing points, and might want to add others to flesh out your answer.
How will you change the world by attending Brown?
Aren't you stating a cliched statement ?
I agree with tal105.
Though the message you are trying to send (that Brown is a admirable place in which to be openly gay)is inspirational, it doesn't really connect to the fact that Brown is "going green" so to speak. If you have space to elaborate I'd suggest going more in depth on how those to points connect. If not, you should try to think of another example of how Brown is a good place to "share ideals."
Also, I would change the last sentence. I don't know who the "we" is referring to, and it is somewhat confusing.
;)
explain more about how brown appeals to you. yeh its green but what else. they want to know that you WANT to go there not just that you like it for various reasons
I am openly gay and I see where your going with this and I back you up. It's just at first glance I'm trying to peace together what going paperless and being gay have in common. My bank is going paperless but just because I'm gay doesn't mean I'm going to get my deposit done any faster.
No offense meant, keep going with it. Expand on your idea. Good Luck.
