Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 3


Rocketdog and the importance of being present - Person of Importance


diego1 2 / 9  
Nov 26, 2010   #1
I'm applying to UT and looking for some final feedback on my essay.
This is the Apply Texas prompt A: Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.

Thanks so much for reading my essay and good luck to any other dec. 1st deadline applicants!

He was so calm and relaxed that I decided to push him, letting the clock tick past sixty seconds, on to ninety. With bated breath I watched, slowly lowering myself down to his level, sinking against the curb allowing my watch to stray from my vision so that I could stroke his back. I silently cursed every dog that was paraded by, flinched at every neighbor slamming a door, and prayed that every thunderous trashcan would go silent. None of my private pleas were answered, but yet he stayed. Sometimes swiveling his eyes, perking an ear, or wrinkling his nose to investigate, but only moving his body to slowly ease against my legs, and finally, to sprawl, curving his spine along the curb and resting his head in my lap.

The sight of a girl and her dog would not rouse grand sentiment in most, but I have seen every stress and anxiety Rocketdog has undergone. Rocket, a hyperactive border collie who suffers from obsessive compulsive disorder and deafness, was saved from euthanasia by an amazing local family. At their wits ends and hoping more regular exercise would calm Rocket, they called on me to be his dog walker. It had been my dream since I had attended a puppy manners dog training class when I was two to become a dog trainer, so I took the opportunity to work with a challenging dog as a great foundation for my company. As my first client for my new dog walking business, Rocket was a handful, since then I have realized he was so much more than a learning experience for my now two year old company "Wonderdogs". I have been broken into Rocket's world. I feed him his anti-anxiety medications, I walk him, and I work with his owners, constantly communicating to provide Rocket with regular rules and responses no matter who he is with. I spend countless hours working to teach him to sit, walk on a leash, or even just make eye contact and relax - two skills that are very important with his OCD and loss of hearing. Every instance he stands, confused by what is being asked of him, his whole body alert and intent, trying to please me, or each occasion when he is completely gone, chasing after flashes of light obsessively, are moments when I have failed him.

All of these junctures, whether he succeeds or I blunder, are equally important, and I have to be present for them, for him. I have learned that being present is not just showing up. Rocket quickly taught me that when my mind was elsewhere it was apparent. He would jump on me, pull on the leash, chase after imaginary bugs, and growl at passersby. I have to be attentive because each time he is allowed to perform these bad behaviors only reinforces them in his mind, but when I am vigilant, I can redirect that negative energy into a healthy activity. If I want to improve Rocket's quality of life, I have to be actively and passionately engaging myself in the work that is happening.

If we do not partake in what we are doing, we fall pray to busy work, floating from task to task never truly getting anything of meaning done. We form false relationships, built not off of work, time, and commitment, but off of unrehearsed phrases thrown into conversations we do not truly hear. If I were to lose focus at Ultimate Frisbee I would be disrespecting the efforts of my team and opponents, in cross country I lose connection to my motivation and I set myself up for injury. In educational settings I miss my full potential for learning, and in music or marching band I lose an opportunity to improve and set a good example for those younger than me. No matter what pursuit, if I am not present in the moment, I can never give my best and I prevent myself from reaching my goals. Mother Teresa says to "Do small things with great love". Walking a dog is a small thing, but in Rocket's case it teaches me that being there for another is a grand act of love.
kcybug 2 / 4  
Nov 26, 2010   #2
I really enjoyed your essay. I love the subject and the commitment is clearly very strong. Some things I think could be fixed is simply word choice, like your use of "present". Although it may seem better to say being present rather than being there, in context it may be seen as trying too hard to incorporate big words. Perhaps you could vary the phrase a bit but it's not all about the big words. I think it would be better to just say "be there for them" rather than present to avoid confusion.

And one small thing: "He was so calm and relaxed that I decided to push him, letting the clock tick past sixty seconds, on to ninety" "on to" should be one word, "onto".
OP diego1 2 / 9  
Nov 26, 2010   #3
Thanks so much, I incorporated your changes and it definitely helped out!


Home / Undergraduate / Rocketdog and the importance of being present - Person of Importance
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳