Hello, so I just finished what I hoped to be my final draft of my essay... However, I still feel quite wary of it and would like it if someone would please revise / critique it and tell me either where or if I struggle in this essay.
2.) Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
Probably the most notable incident or time that I can recall of when I had encountered a failure in my life would have to be when I had failed to properly reassemble one of my customer's products. It hadn't been all too long along that this occurred either, really. During the summer time, since I really don't have an actual job to work at because of the circumstances I'm involved in over at Elder, and also partially because of the fact that I need an income to pay for eating out and/or other things, I created somewhat of a small business for myself, fixing all sorts of iDevices for various people all throughout the summer. Now, I probably should mention the fact that this job often has its ups and downs from time to time. One of the major advantages or ups to this job is the income of both customers and cash.
Not only is there a substantial amount of money to be made by repairing iDevices, but you also happen to run into a surprisingly large amount of people who will plead for you to be their alternative. Now, the reason as to why so many people prefer my business over sending it to Apple is the substantially large and shocking price difference between what Apple may charge, and what I charge. If you were to look on Apple's website right now, they charge a whopping $200 for have your 4th generation iPod touch repaired. As for myself, I could charge my customers nearly 10x less than what Apple wants you to pay and still make somewhat of a profit from the repairs. Now, as I stated before, this business had been pretty busy for me, a constant bombardment of customers all throughout the summer.
However, it was one customer in particular and his issue that really threw me off. At first, his issue looked and seemed to be like any other issue, his daughter had shattered the screen and would like me to fix it for cash in return. So, as for any other customer I've ever helped out, I agreed to fix it. As soon as I received the supplies necessary to fix it, along with the broken device, I had almost immediately sat down and gotten to work. The procedure had been the same as usual, pry up, off, and away the broken glass and digitizer, cut the irresponsive cables holding it in place, dissect and unscrew all parts to devices to get to the issue at hand, etc. etc.
As I was ever so close to approaching nearly the last step of the reassembly, I had noticed that something had gone awry. The screen itself hadn't been sitting flush with the main frame of the iPod. Now, considering that I've never come across this issue once in my one whole year of the business, I was terrified of the thought to think as to what would happen if I couldn't fix it. Would he want a reimbursement and payments for what I'd done? Would he put a bad word out there about me?
I decided to refrain from completing my job that night and waited till' the very next day to start back up on the project. As I had begun to start, I had heard a ring from my door bell. It had been my customer. I opened the door, terrified of what I'd have to explain to him about the issue. My immediate thoughts at that moment were all focused upon his reaction as to what I'd say.
Nonetheless, I took a deep breath, and gave him a very informative response as to why the iPod hadn't been repaired as soon I had anticipated and why I felt that I was unable to complete the repairs necessary. Surprisingly, after I'd addressed him of the issue, his reactions were nowhere near what I had anticipated them to be. In fact, he was more supportive than aggravated with the problem at hand. But most of all, what had really inspired me to continue to pursue and correct the issue at hand was the fact that he said he encourages the fact that there was a problem that I had never encountered before and greatly supported the fact that I made the attempt to at least correct the problem and that he was ok with that. Now, from what he'd said then, I decided to pick back up the repair, made my best attempts to resolve the issue, ended up finishing the repairs, and actually ended up giving him back the iPod completed that same day. I can most definitely say that from this experience where I had encountered trial and error many times, I learned at least one thing from it, and that is to never give up.
Thank you very much!
Not only is there a substantial amount of money to be made by repairing iDevices, but you also happen to run into a surprisingly large amount of people who will plead for you to be their alternative. Now, the reason as to why so many people prefer my business over sending it to Apple is the substantially large and shocking price difference between what Apple may charge, and what I charge. If you were to look on Apple's website right now, they charge a whopping $200 for have your 4th generation iPod touch repaired. As for myself, I could charge my customers nearly 10x less than what Apple wants you to pay and still make somewhat of a profit from the repairs.
This is well written, but I don't see why you really need it in your essay. More than anything, it just sounds like a sales pitch. Maybe be a little bit more concise with your words or explanation of your business, which really is a great thing you have for you, by the way.
I had almost immediately sat down and gotten to work. Sounds Awkward. Try something like: "I immediately sat down and got right to work." or something like that.
The procedure had been the same as usual, pry up, off, and away the broken glass and digitizer, cut the irresponsive cables holding it in place, dissect and unscrew all parts to devices to get to the issue at hand, etc. etc. That is unnecessary.
The essay sounds, and gives the tone, of being very conversational. Really go over it, and read it out loud if you have to. Try to really convince me that this inspired you to never give up, because you are basically just telling us that.
But, just fix these mistakes, and it will look better. Also don't be discouraged, its a long process, and it will get easier.
Good Luck!
