Being raised and educated in a different country; Diversity

The prompt is "How has your diversity (cultural heritage, race, gender, socio-economic background, family, work, and/or school experiences etc.) contributed to who you are today and your pursuit of a college education?". Please check on my grammars and spelling errors. It's my first time writing essay for scholarships so I really need it to be perfect. I am opened for feedback.

Being raised and educated in a different country, I can clearly see the differences of education and how it impacts my life as an individual. I have heard that the education system in America would be different. But I would never imagine how different they are until I actually experience it myself.

The education system in Vietnam, in my opinions, has too many flaws. For instance, students' schedules have total twelve classes but the time they have for school is the same as here in America. As a result, teachers can never cover all the subjects they need to in class. Students have to go get extra lessons at teachers' houses after school for additional three to four hours every day. Furthermore, schools in Vietnam always try to put all their students in pattern and order, preventing them from expressing their emotions and feelings, such as making all students wearing the same outfit and having the same haircut. Trying to raise them up to be all the same, the consequences would be the lack of creativity and ability to think outside of the box.

Many immigrants come from Vietnam look at America as the land of opportunities. They believe the American Dream would make their dream possible and through hard work, they can get what they want. Here in America, they would get a job to make a living after I get out of college. However, in Vietnam, that's not the case. Going to school and perusing high level of education don't mean they will be successful and have a settled life. Having high level of education but doesn't have any family relatives' connections in a company or a workplace, getting a well pay job is very difficult. Hard works won't give the results which most people look for.

After I came to America, I realized how lucky I am to have a life time opportunity to live and go to colleges here. I knew many people don't have such opportunity like I do to pursue the top tier education of the world. In fact, many had to pay a lot of money just to go study aboard in in America for four years. Having a perspective about the education of the two different countries really opened up my eyes and it made me value the life and education I am having right now.

First you say that you see the differences of education in different countries and then you say that you've heard about the difference of American education system. It sounds a bit contradictory.

Well, I also feel you are going a bit out of topic. You need to deal with this point;


You need to have more focus on yourself and not on different education systems.

Stay on topic, at times you get a little off track

for me as a reader this sentence is vague. Perhaps because of commas using.