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I am proudest of the service I contributed through my school's Computer Club


SineFine 2 / 7 2  
Dec 31, 2014   #1
Good morning! Here are my responses to this year's supplement questions for Columbia University. I understand how off-putting their lengths are but I'll greatly appreciate whoever spends the time reading over these. I'd love any feedback and grammar fixes.

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1. What single activity listed in the activity section of your Common Application are you most proud of and why? (150 words or less)

I am proudest of the service I contributed through my school's Computer Club. Joining initially because of my friends, I stayed all these years for another reason altogether. What I had done through the club's weekly tech-talks, I couldn't have anywhere else. I acted the bridge, mediating between the seniors of Rose City Senior Center and the daunting technology of today. Answering questions about browsing the Internet and navigating the Windows graphical user interface, I worked to extend the reach and applicability of computers. It was fulfilling just to explain how every little thing functioned, from the desktop's physical power button to getting online. I even salvaged one woman's malware-riddled laptop. At that moment, only the personal feeling of growth could match the gratitude that radiated from her eyes as I installed Windows Defender for her. Familiarity with computers is seldom portrayed positively but here I was making a difference.

[Words entered: 150]

2.3. MOD comment:One essay at time please!
KrithikaK 1 / 6  
Dec 31, 2014   #2
I really like your essays! I think the first sentence of your first essay "I am proudest of the service I contributed through my school's Computer Club." just sounds kind of awkward?

And then "I acted as the bridge "

Your why Columbia essay is very specific which is good and your final essay is also well written
Nice job!

Hey also on your third essay "Although the computer would be his , my joy rivaled his ." The double his sounds kind of awkward?

And same with your last sentence on your third essay "Now what but the path of computer engineering (science) could sate this desire?" The what but sounds weird adjacent to each other so maybe insert an else in between? "Now what else but the path of computer engineering could sate this desire?"

Also on the sentence prior to that one, put hyphens instead of parentheses. You get more emphasis and it looks better aesthetically (if that makes any sense). Basically it looks a bit more formal?

Sorry for sounding super nit picky but omg I really love your third essay it flows well and I love how you told the story. :)


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