My parents, my uncle and passionate teachers.

This is my first draft. Any ideas on how to improve?

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

To accomplish great things we must not only act but also dream, not only plan but also believe. A man obtains dreams and aspirations not by virtue of coincidence but through the way the world around him shapes his character and interests. The world around me has played a tremendous part in shaping my dreams and aspirations of becoming a successful mechanical engineer.

My family had a major influence in my life. From a young age, my parents often bought me science books to read as I always had an inquisitive mind about the world around me. These books cultivated an interest in science and fed my fascination for the world we live in. My parents allowed me to get involve with my own interests and never held me back from pursuing my ambitions. The freedom they gave me allowed me to choose a career path that I was truly enthusiastic about.

Besides that, having an uncle who was a mechanical engineer provided remarkable inspiration for me. During regular visits to his house, I was often awed by the many mechanical devices that he owned or built himself. I was very interested to listen to the uses and inner workings of those devices. He became a mentor to me and taught me many new things that I did not learn in school. While helping him out with some of his projects, I realized that becoming a mechanical engineer one day would be a dream come true.

At school, I was very lucky to have passionate teachers who guided and imparted some of their vast knowledge to me. My teachers made my class lessons interesting and instilled a desire to learn in me. I developed a passion for Physics and Mathematics. The fact that these two subjects could be applied to everyday life was truly amazing in my eyes. My fondness for science and mathematics enabled me to excel in those subjects. I knew from then on that I wanted to become an engineer.

Living in the outskirts of the city allowed me to persuade my parents to take me to the national science center located in the city on various occasions. It was here where I was constantly captivated by the facts and displays presented. Trying out some of the experiments myself brought me tremendous exhilaration. This convinced me that I had chosen the right path for myself. At home, I often spend my television time watching educational programs on channels like Discovery and National Geographic. I was able to gain great insight into the world of engineering through some of the programs on these channels.

The world around me has significantly influenced me to become who I am today. The people around me and my surroundings have helped shaped my dreams and aspirations of becoming a mechanical engineer. Although I've always aspired to be a mechanical engineer, a number of influences from the world around me have contributed to this interest and developed it into a goal that I hold in high regard today.

Good evening :)

I only have a couple of suggestions. First, make sure you are capitalizing only the first words of sentences and proper nouns. As such, "Physics" and "Mathematics" should not be capitalized. Also, avoid using contractions in formal academic writing.

In regards to content, you have an excellent piece. You answer the prompt nicely, are well organized, and use good transitions. Your introduction and conclusion also tie the piece up nicely. Good work!

Regards,
Gloria
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