'open mind and the willingness to think creatively' - CIVIL ENGINEERING UC PERSONAL STATEMENT

Hey guys, this is my draft for the uc transfer prompt. I would greatly appreciate it if you can provide some feedback.

Prompt: What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.

As the world's population continues to grow, civil engineers are needed more than ever to develop efficient structures and to manipulate our environment to meet the demands of the future. Their work plays a major role on the quality of life for communities and individuals for generations to come. This is what inspired me to want to become a civil engineer. Civil engineering provides an amazing opportunity to push the boundaries of what is physically possible. My initial interest in civil engineering was prompted when I was able to witness two of the tallest buildings in the world, the Empire State Building in New York and Taipei 101 in Taiwan. Each of these buildings are monuments of great human feats and are only the stepping stones to what humanity is capable of. However, this is not the only reason I aspire to be a civil engineer. I am attracted by the prospect of being able to translate abstract ideas into reality and working with a team to solve innovative problems that benefit society. During my time interning at the Santa Clara Valley Water District, I was fortunate enough to be given an opportunity to shadow a civil engineer and I was able to appreciate the importance of his work and it fueled my interest in the career even further.

For four stimulating weeks, I shadowed a civil engineer who specialized in water resources. His responsibilities included designing pump systems, pipelines and treatment plants for handling wastewater as well as flood control projects. His work benefitted the community by providing safe and clean drinking water. I saw how he worked with his team to solve problems and dealt with building regulations, the need for planning, design and accurate measurement and how good leadership and communication is crucial for success. Observing his work made me realize that even after graduating with a degree there will always be new things to learn, new skills to acquire, and new problems to apply them to.

Engineering requires an open mind and the willingness to think creatively. From my experiences academically and through my internship, I have learned that no goal is unattainable as long as I am willing to sacrifice and work hard for it. Civil engineering holds a promising career that will definitely come with many challenges and I hope to combine my enthusiasm and passion to overcome these obstacles.

replace with "in" & "of"
"This is what HAS inspired me to want to become a civil engineer" you don't really don't really specify what exactly has inspired. the previous statement says more about the importnace of the profession

"interest was prompted" I'm not sure whether interest can be prompted "when I was able to witnessED two of the tallest buildings in the world" maybe sth like "saw with my own eyes"? usually you can witness some action. The buildings were, at least one of them was. I think it's better if you mention it. and start this sentence with a new paragraph

"and working with a team to solve innovative problems that" you don't have say about the team
"However..." new paragraph
"During my time interning " it's better to say "internship"
"opportunity to shadow a civil engineer" what do you meam by this?
"worked ON solvING"
" the willingness to think creatively." it's better to say just "creative thinking" you can want or not want to think creatively it's a skill, ability and you eaither have it developed or not

" From my experiences academically and through my internship" "academic experience and at the internship"
Overall impression is good. Only that you have to tell more what you did at the internship

strong premise; fix the grammar as Nastasi said and you should be good.