Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 5


NYU Gallatin International Transfer Essays


DuboisWoods 1 / 1  
Mar 12, 2016   #1
Hi,

I am trying to transfer to NYU Gallatin and would love feedback on my essays. They're kind of short, but I'm not sure if I should add more stuff. English is not my first language by the way, so I would appreciate grammar corrections and such.

Thanks!


We would like to know more about your interest in NYU. We are particularly interested in knowing what motivated you to apply to NYU and more specifically, why you have applied or expressed interest in a particular campus, school, college, program, and/or area of study? You may be focused or undecided, or simply open to the options within NYU's global network; regardless, we want to understand - Why NYU? (400 word maximum)

"If you can do anything else besides acting, then do it," is a popular adage among acting teachers. As someone who believes that the most distinguished artists are ones who have many skills and interests in different fields, I detest that saying. Growing up in the cosmopolitan Săo Paulo, home to many theater companies, I have always been interested in collaborative and devised theater. I yearn to create or join a theater company that produces new work (especially works from minorities and women, about current social and political issues). As a multi-hyphenate theater maker, I have found it difficult to find a college that gives me equal opportunity to develop not only as a performer, but also as a playwright and director. At Gallatin I hope to focus on ensemble theater making and the development of original works for the stage. I would also like to take advantage of the possibility of broadening my horizons by taking classes in other departments. The location of NYU is also exciting to me, since New York City is the epicenter of many important events in the current political scenario and has a unique culture that is shaped daily by its international denizens. I believe that an education at the Gallatin School of Individualized Study combined with the endless opportunities of New York City - the heart of the theatrical world - will help me become not only a more complete and well-prepared artist, but also someone that can make a difference.

Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve. You can type directly into the box, or you can paste text from another source. (250-650 words)

My ultimate goal as a student pursuing a career in theater is to create or join a theater company in which the ensemble members rotate through the various functions and jobs. Such company demands professionals that can perform, write, direct, design and produce, as well as knowing how to create plays without a set script and in non-hierarchical settings. This is a very European tradition of theater, but can also be found in the U.S. with companies such as Double Edge, SITI Company, The Wooster Group, among others. I am currently attending an art school in which 90% of my classes are in the field of Acting. Although I consider myself a performer and am also minoring in Creative Writing, I haven't been able to fulfill my other needs to become a well-rounded theater artist. I have written and directed plays outside of curricular activities, but my school lacks undergraduate classes in the areas of playwriting, directing and producing. The training here is also extremely individual-minded and focused mostly on mainstream film and theater and the needs of the entertainment industry. I am more interested in the experimental and avant-garde than mainstream work. After doing research about Gallatin and talking to a student, I believe that transferring to a program in which I can design my own major will make me thrive and can help me achieve my goals much more than finishing my degree in my current school. At Gallatin, I hope to find a community that will support and respect my path and that will celebrate my individuality. I hope to find mentors that share my love for the interdisciplinary and will guide me in making the best choices for my career. I also hope to find a home in New York City and a niche of theater artists that I can collaborate with in the future. And finally, I would like to become more engaged with social causes and living in a multicultural city, attending one of the most renowned colleges in the world will certainly grant me that opportunity.
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Mar 14, 2016   #2
Hi Dubois, I would like to help out by editing first essay first.

- that produces new work
- I have foundfind it difficult
- to findlocate a college
- makingcreation and the development
- broadeningenriching my horizons
- byin taking classes infrom other departments.
- sinceas New York City
- is the epicenter of manya lot of important events - Study is combined with
- the endless opportunities of New York City
- will help me become not onlynot only aid a more - but also someone that can make a difference in the world of art and theatrical world .

There you have it Dubois, I hope this initial assessment for your essay helped. I will get back to you for the other part of the essay.
OP DuboisWoods 1 / 1  
Mar 14, 2016   #3
Thank you @justivy03
I used most of your suggestions, but I think you misunderstood what I was trying to say with a few sentences. This last part specifically, I wanted to say someone who can make a difference in the world in general (in a humanistic way), not specifically the art world. How would you phrase that without saying "world" again?
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Mar 15, 2016   #4
Hi Dubois, my apologies for the last sentence, however, to address your concern, here's my suggestion below.

- will help me become
- not only a more complete and well-prepareda well groomed artist,
- but also someone that canand make a difference.

There you have it Dubois, I hope this has helped the last sentence that we were having issues with. For future reference, try to avoid catch phrases, instead, be simple, straight forward and leave the idea the way they should be. Remember, this is a formal essay and you have one shot at this and it should be the best one you give to the admission.

I wish to see a lot more of your writings.
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Mar 15, 2016   #5
Hi Dubois, for the second prompt, what I noticed is that the essay is quiet compact, meaning, when essays are this long, it would help if you cut them into 2 or 3 paragraphs, to tell you honestly, it's like suffocating the reader with information as you read along, this will also loose the readers interest in the essay.

Moreover, I observed that the essay is all about you, which is fine and it should be the focus of the essay, however, you should also be able to stress more on choosing the Gallatin which you did, so what you do is highlight on how you will be an invaluable asset as a student and future alumni of the institution.

I hope this helped Dubois, this second essay though does not need much revision, just a few polishing and a couple of intense ideas that will boost your intention in submitting this essay.


Home / Undergraduate / NYU Gallatin International Transfer Essays
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳