"This section is an opportunity for you to elaborate on the information you have provided earlier. You may discuss a special talent, a personal experience or an activity that you have been involved in that is relevant to the course you are applying for admission.
As your essay is limited to only 2000 characters (including punctuations and space), do present your ideas in a focused and thoughtful manner."
Hi! I'm preparing an essay for NUS application. Writing in English is definitely one of my weaknesses because I seldom write. So,feel free to criticise and help me to improve this essay. Thanks a lot!!! >"<
Life is not easy for a boy whose dad is a market vendor selling dry goods.While the other boys running happily on fields playing football or having video game matches,I spent most of my childhood days on packaging goods in home. In a small living room, everyone in the family working together, this is where the unconditional love grew- love that nourished me into an independent teenager. I said it wasn't easy but it wasn't bad at all.
Things started to fall apart after the birth of my youngest brother. Having a new member in the family was supposed to be joyful (yes we were) but our mom didn't. Since she went home from hospital, she claimed that our house were being watched, somebody was threatening her life, her speaking were peculiar, she had barely eaten, she became... weird. Although we were terrified, we tried to comfort her, hoping our love can bring her back from delusion. Love was not the answer that time, we needed help.
With my uncle's recommendation, we brought my mother to see a psychologist. The doctor diagnosed her with schizophrenia - a mental illness that we haven't heard before. He then transferred our case to local hospital near our home where we could access to antipsychotic medicine easily.
"Things will getting better, don't give up hope and believe in your mother," said the doctor before we leave. And these words keep us moving on especially when we were hopeless and helpless. Every cloud has its silver lining, with taking medication and family support, my mother is getting better, periodically. Even until today, she still have to take her pills every night.
This incident leaded me into the world of psychology. I realised the people's perspective towards mental illness is very negative, they fear thus loathe those they labelled as 'abnormal'. This situation solidified my to pursue my passion. Therefore I choose to study psychology in NUS, hoping one day I can be a psychologist that shows compassion and care to those in need.
Hi Lee, I would like to help in your essay and hopefully make things a little bit better for you.
I believe the last two paragraphs need much improvement.
- "Things will getting better,
- said the doctor said before
- we leaveleft .
- And these words keep us moving on, especially
- she still havehas to
- This incident leaded me
- thethat people's
- This situation solidified my eagerness to
Lee, you sure does have a heart and the passion in the field you chose, however, more that this, you need the willingness, the sharpness and the full mental focus in order to endure your chosen field.
I have a friend who is a very successful psychologist and she told me that the process of learning and studying the strokes in this field is just the start of a very challenging yet very rewarding profession.
I wish you the best of luck and hey, being a Singaporean is already tough as the expectation is very high and being able to survive is already a proof that you are a tough one.
