I need help with my writing. This is a short answer on the Common App for admission to a university I want to go to. Help with grammar, structure, tone, style...everything! Don't be afraid to comment, I need the honesty.
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences (Recommended length: 250 words)*
I close my eyes and let my mind drift away. The beat of the drums matches the beat of my heart, and the mellifluous voices enchant me with their words. It doesn't take long for my breathing to slow down and for my entire body to relax as I try to decipher the meaning of the lyrics in a good song. Music releases my stress and even gives me a different perspective on how other people think of a certain situations-- a difficult love affair, an argument with a friend, or dealing with a tough environment. Even if the song doesn't relate with something that has happened to me, it gives me an idea of what it is like to feel what others feel, because the lyrics are something that have gone through someone's mind and the music adds emphasis on those thoughts and feelings. When I open my eyes because the song is over, I can think clearly on how to face the obstacles in my own life.
Hi! I love the use of narrative! Definitely more interesting than just a response. However, you seem to be describing a passion for music, rather than an extracurricular activity. Do you play in a band? Do you sing? It is nicely written but perhaps does not answer the question. Luckily you have a good deal of words left to leave the whole narrative part and still explain the extracurricular or work context in which you experience this. Hope this helps!! If it does, feel free to click that "like" button or help me out with Common App: Failure
It's clear that you have a love for music but the question asks for a specific extracurricular activity/work experience. Are you in a band? Do you compose music?
thanks for the feedback. I don't sing or play in a band, but I do download tons of music for other people, and when I have time I even make music of my own (meaning that I mix different songs and sounds with special software on my computer). I wanted to add that on there but I wasn't sure how.
Your essay is great, except I would definitely clarify what exactly your extracurricular activity is. Also, I think that last line could use some improvement. How about: "I open my eyes as the song comes to a close, and feel empowered to take on the challenges in my own life"
wow. thanks. I appreciate it.
