Please tell us about your educational goals, your interest in your chosen program(s), and your reasons for applying to the University of Waterloo. If you have applied to more than one program please discuss your interest in each program. (900 character limit)
Making the world a better place, even for the underprivileged drives me to pursue a degree in Mechanical engineering at one of the world's most renowned universities. The University of Waterloo with its remarkable Faculty of Applied Science and Engineering will help me attain the knowledge required to reach my goal. Providing the best cooperative education in Canada, I would be able to practically apply the theories learnt in some of the top companies in the world. By interacting and working with experienced personal in these companies I would also be able enhance my skills in teamwork, time management and leadership. Mechanical engineers are the key to a number of solutions in almost all fields of engineering and have a wide scope in the developing world and I feel that The University of Waterloo will help me accomplish my life's goal and pave my path for a better future.
Rather than giving a generic response such as "making the world a better place", try to come up with a more solid reason for wishing to pursue this academic field. You need to present a specific idea of the career goals that you have set for yourself and how your educational goals relate to it. Within 900 characters, you can manage to present both if you do not make your essay sound like a student invitation brochure that indicates common knowledge information about the university to the admissions officer. Try to explain a more definite goal such as "creating an improved water filtration system that will set a new international standard" or something similar. This type of educational goal will then allow you to use information that you know about the university, such as their mentor, training, or internship programs, that can help you achieve that final goal. This essay asks you to present your familiarity with the university and your chosen major in the briefest but most informative way. So try to deliver that.
Thank you for your advice. Will work on it. Is the remaining content okay or does that also need to be changed?
The rest of the essay at the moment is fine. However, once you change the direction of the essay to reflect a more specific educational goal or objective, you may find that changing the rest of the essay will be required in order to better reflect, represent, and explain your educational goals. It would perhaps be best for you to write 2 versions of your revised essay. The first one, will revise only the part that i am suggesting and the second one, will hold a totally new essay that, to your understanding, better supports your essay thesis. After completing the revision work, you can then compare the two essays and then decide for yourself which essay works best for the purpose of your essay.
Thank you. Will work on it.
