Your essay is coming along well, except you repeated the same thing a few times about your passion for seeing how things work. Also, there are a few spelling and punctuation errors;
What makes someone
unique can be their
personalities, their religious views their hobbies,
their personality or
the music that interests them.
Unique persons are: Einstein for his intellect, how much he has provided in the ways of scientific laws and theories
that have advanced the world. I took away the commas after laws and theories.
Henry David Thoreau for his writings,
his affiliation with the transcendentalist movement and
his desire to know more about the natural world.
I would view myself
as a unique individual for my work ethic, my passion to know how the mechanical world works, and my love of travel.
Work ethic I believe ,
is something that is instilled
in you from your child hood, and
my work ethic came from my father.
I have always been employed,
whether it be working for a grocery store
or working various odd jobs recently.
enlisted in the Coast Guard, and for the last two years of
being enlisted I have: advanced twice, I have taken college classes,I have received a letter of appreciation, I have become the sailor of the quarter, att
ended machinery technician school where I have placed in the top of the class, and
I feel this presents a strong work ethic.
the other hand,
my claim of having a good work ethic is not substantiated.My first
attempt at college
was not completely successful, and
the reason for this is that I failed to apply myself
to my studies.
I was studying something I had lost the passion for, and
while attending college I also failed to fully understand the ramifications
of not fulfilling my duties to the college.Like being
student and continuing to apply myself
even though I did not like what I was studying.
My time in the Coast Guard has given me the time to mature, and
to understand that
hard work pays off no matter how unpleasant or arduous the assignment may be.
I have worked hard to be a productive and successful member of
the Coast Guard.
I have a desire to know more about how the mechanical world works. As a
child and teenager...
I would spend time at the bicycle shop learning how a bicycles derailleur
works so I could learn how to better adjust them.
As a high school student I had a passion to learn more about computer science
so I enrolled in a vocational computer information course to broaden my knowledge.
In the Coast Guard I became a machinery technician to learn how to repair machinery.
This quality makes me unique and valuable to the University of Connecticut
because I am a person that will ask questions to learn
more about how a topic or subject works.
UCONN in return will help me to learn more about mechanical engineering with the small class sizes, the facilities, and
the multiple grants that the college has received,
like the one the
National Science Foundation has awarded to the engineering department.
These attributes of UCONN will enriche
my knowledge of the mechanical world, fulfilling
my passion to know more about the mechanical world.
...for instance, I have traveled to the rocky mountains of Colorado,
have backpacked the Grand Canyon, and
my tour of duty this summer will include
port calls in countries
like Puerto Rico, Columbia, Mexico, and many others.
Traveling to new and interesting places allows me to be a person that can be self sufficient and
ready to take on new challenges and someone who
is open minded about other cultures, and is not afraid of new experiences.
consider my self a unique individual in more ways than
I feel that the qualities I have presented will benefit the University of Connecticut
in a multitude of ways.
I have a work ethic that will enable me to
see my degree to the end...
I have a passion to know more about the mechanical world, and
instead of just littering my mom's garage with various bicycle parts,
The fact that I like to travel makes me a person that is self sufficient
and ready to take on the challenges of college. These are the qualities that make me a unique individual and valuable person to the University of Connecticut