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'lost in my dreams' + 'Literature and books' - University of Virginia Supplements


Chopeful 3 / 6  
Dec 29, 2011   #1
May you please correct my essay or give me advise. Thank you!
Sorry if some parts seem awkward I can not seem to think at all for this prompt even though it really is open to creativity. Also should i just start off with just saying dreams of my past instead of describing the garage or does it answer the prompt well already?

Prompt 1: Discuss your favorite place to get lost.

As I stood, silenced settled in the dark damped room. Where was I? Suddenly, a lamp lowered lighting the deteriorated place. A small stage appeared, stationed with three beds and two televisions, fit for a family of five, that was my location. Although some might consider it an unfortunate circumstance, I could not be happier to be lost with an old friend. This gruesome grossed garage was the epitome of glamour in the eyes of my seven year old self and still to this day.

During my childhood I saw past the obvious, this was not a garage, this was my battle fort filled with entertainment and confinement, and I was its commander. While I was not retaliating for a fierce battle against my cousin, I was flicking through channels watching Pokémon and Power Rangers at the same time! Take that TiVo. Furthermore, the garage served as my intellectual sanctuary as I would be confined in it, reading and writing.

What a chance to relive my childhood memories, what a great place to be. I was glad to be left lost here, as it refined myself as I once was. Sweet irony make me your prisoner, a seven-year-old boy was smarter than his predecessor. When I was small, I transfigured a small piece of "trash" into something so aesthetic, when now I pale in comparison.

As I roamed the small room I finally saw the door bleed lukewarm light. I knew I could no longer be lost in the memories of the past so I left. The alarm struck six; I guess I was lost in my dreams once again. Although it was not real, I cherished being lost in the tranquility of my past, since it continues to refine me.
muznaa23 4 / 15  
Dec 29, 2011   #2
I like the essay and the creativity, but you need to elaborate more. I think towards the end really talk about what this experience or dream did for you and what it's significance is. Some more details will definitely help!

Also: Although some might consider it an unfortunate circumstance, I could not be happier to be lost with an old friend.

This doesn't really make sense, try to word it differently because its too vague

WhileWhen I was not retaliating..

I think you wanna say When?

Can you please help me with my stanford vitality one!
OP Chopeful 3 / 6  
Jan 1, 2012   #3
Prompt 2:College of Arts and Sciences: What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way

It lay settled on the floor with a badly beaten cover. In its front was stamped an infrastructure of some kind. The decrepit paperback mourned for attention, waiting to be picked up.

I had a lot of trouble on this one and I am not sure if I even answered the prompt correctly. Also is it too negative?

It was summer before my junior year as I looked through my tiny collection of books. Robert Warren to Stephen King was stationed safely in my collection, yet one book was predisposed in shame as it laid on the floor. I picked up the manuscript and read the title," The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand." Not recognizing the novel I immediately read the first page, causing me to be plunged into the unfortunate tale of Roark.

After I finished the novel, I was astonished why I never read it before. Most importantly, was the discomfort her novel brought. Though I like to relate to the philosophy of a tale, Rand's novel was one I was ashamed of supporting. Rand pushed ideals of selfishness and misanthropy, something I had always seen as foolish. Furthermore, her tale reinforced her argument of the benefits of doing such things. I sat disposed in despair questioning if I would follow Rand's philosophy or reject it without consideration.

Finally, through much contemplation, I integrated Rand's philosophy into my life. I still deviated from being a complete narcissist like Rand intended, but I learned to not allow myself to be easily moved by others. Even though I saw life as a competition, I still respected my friends as kind individual, but now I looked twice when helping them. The sad truth was my junior year was my best year, perpetuating the ugly notion that continues to cause me calamity.
m7md 4 / 16  
Jan 1, 2012   #4
pretty good! just read them a few more times to make sure everything is in place
i need some help with my essay i will be gratefull if you give it a look

thank you


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