Hello everyone, I am new here at the essay forum :P
This is so only with this essay. With the next one you would be a senior helping others with their threads ;)
Do you have any prompt for this?
It's better if you post that too, so that you would get more relevant feedback from others. :)
As I looked around to observe my surroundings, I realized that my car was amongst a bunch of antiquated cars like mine but at 2 o'clock, I saw a black shiny Toyota Lexus LX 570, which captured my attention. "Such a fabulous car," I thought, "One day I will own one of these, together with a Lamborghini and Bugatti Veyron, haha."
... wow.... this is awesome.... I like your style of writing : )
It pierced my heart like a spear
.... you have strong sentences : )
Wow.... I guess I am with your parents, friends and teachers. I enjoyed every line and although I haven't seen the prompt, I feel this answers well for a prompt that asks you to describe an experience that impacted you.
Also I wish you join our community and help others who too would want to go that extra mile! Stay with us!
Good luck with your admission!