Common app prompt-
The lessons we take from failure can be fundamental to later success. Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?
Apply Texas prompt-
Describe a circumstance, obstacle, or conflict in your life, and the skills and resources you used to resolve it.
I was thinking of varying it slightly for the common app ...
My greatest fear during my childhood was that of people. Let me elaborate. I only feared people who were not normal. Blind people, deaf people, amputees, I could not muster the bravery to even look at them, let alone talk, and interact with them. I now feel ashamed of this fear, but I could not understand what had happened with these people, and man fears what he cannot understand. The greatest obstacle that I had to overcome was overcoming this fear.
During summer 2011, our school had tasked us to spend 3-4 weeks at a school for special children as our community service project. We were also required to prepare a report, and show a certificate as proof. I was extremely apprehensive about this. I always kept this fear of mine a secret, but during the night before the first day, I was frozen with fear. I could not sleep the whole night, and in the morning, I told my mother, with tear filled eyes, that it would be impossible for me to do the project. Initially, my mother was filled with rage. But then, when she saw genuine fear in my eyes, she hugged me close, and patiently told me that there was nothing different about these people, except that they were less fortunate. They were completely normal people who had some unfortunate accidents. My mother's words of advice and encouragement helped to calm the waves of anxiety. It turned out that the 3 weeks I spent at 'Bal Kalyan Sanstha' was one of the most inspiring and transformative experiences ever. My main job as a volunteer was to help around in general. I had to help the various children and givr them company. It was a lot of fun, and a very good learning experience. Here I got to see people, who did not have limbs, could not see, or hear, as well as people with learning disabilities trying to perform everyday tasks like painting, reading, writing, and even walking with great difficulty. One of the most inspiring sights was the art classes that were held. Here, I saw about 50 children, all disabled, attempting to sketch, draw, and colour. There were people belonging to all age groups, from children who were 8-9 years old, to grown adults. Each person dealt with their dasbility in a different way. Most of the amputees, for example, had too paint with their legs, while blind people drew using their tactile sense. But the effort they put in to strive to master these simple tasks was really inspiring. This experience showed me that these people were something more than normal. This experience really brought out the philanthropic side in me. After the duration of the visit, I persuaded my parents to donate my prized Britannica encyclopaedia to their library, and my parents also decided to sponsor a child's education.
Overcoming this fear and apprehension was really the greatest obstacle I had to overcome. It allowed me to be more open minded, and to embrace people who are different, rather than to reject them. It also enhanced my sense of determination and perseverance manifold, as seeing the effort these people took in doing simple daily tasks really inspired me to aspire and strive high.
I don't think that my conclusion is vey strong, so I would appreciate any help. Btw, this is my first draft. So feel free to point out any mistakes and to give suggestions.
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I would like to give you a few suggestions to help you with your essay. I want to focus on meaning.
1st paragraph: You can begin your essay with "My greatest fear during childhood was people." Delete the next sentence. You
can link the list of people by stating:" normal such as the blind, deaf, and amputees". The next sentence you should delete "let alone talk".
2nd paragraph: Change the beginning of the sentence to:"During the summer of 2011..." When you discuss your fear being kept a secret, this should be one sentence. Start a new sentence stating: "During the night..." The next sentence you should delete the comma after morning. Change this sentence to:" Then she saw genuine fear in my eyes, she hugged me close and patiently..."
Change give them company to "keep them company ". Also, you could say you were "able to see people who did not have limbs". Change too paint to "to paint". You should state "people were more than normal" Instead of using duration of the visit, you could state:" After the visit..."
The last sentence should end with:" inspired me to believe and strive to achieve."
@RithamB, since you ask for the conclusion to be polished, I'll work on that, rest assured that I read the whole essay with the focus on the conclusion;
- Overcoming this fear and apprehension was really the greatest obstacle I had to overcomereward .
- ...and perseverance manifold ,
- as seeing the effort these people took in doing simple daily tasks
- really inspired me to aspire and strive higher .
I suggest the following sentences;
I believe overcoming this fear made me more of who I want to be, like be myself and be the person that I want to be. It's like opening a window of my soul that I definitely didn't expect to have such an impact to my life. My fear will now be a part of my past and my future will mean success.
I hope this help strengthen your application.
