the Korean community, true hero: common application inspiration

She is stronger than Popeye, higher-flying than Superman, more reliable than Captain Planet, and more incredible than even Mr. Incredible; she is my mother, my superhero. When I was three, I would wake up early in the morning to watch cartoons. I was roused from my slumber by the sound of The Smurfs; I had to go save the Earth with Captain Planet; and I then solved mysteries with Scooby Doo. However, no matter how much these heroes were a part of my childhood, my mother always saved the day. Although she could not save the world and had no special super power, she kept the family going and made it all look supernaturally easy. I have always looked up to her; I revere her today and she has inspired me in so many ways.

I am one of two daughters. My father left us 16 years ago; I was two and my sister was six. After my father left us with basically nothing but painful memories, my mother was staring at a bleak situation: no money in the bank and two children to raise all on her own. My mother has been there for me through thick and thin. She has always stood by my side and believed in me which later helped me to grow confident in making my own choices and decisions. Her independence throughout the years has shaped me into an independent person as well. She gave me the freedom to do the things I loved and allowed me to make mistakes, but at the same time disciplined me making me stronger. By giving me space and independence, I am now confident about my journey in the following years in the real world.

When many Americans look at the Korean community, all they can think of are dry cleaners, nail salons, and delis. These businesses are frequently where Koreans start their arduous climbs up the American ladder, and my mother was no exception to the stereotype. I imagine that this is the darkest moment most Koreans who come to America could fathom. She started working at a nail salon, 12 hours a day, 5 days a week. She barely made enough money for us to survive. Yet, she was unrelenting in her quest to provide a better life for her family. She persevered and continually kept her strength, never showing her daughters anything less than a smile and open arms. Today, she works at Prudential Financial as an agent and financial advisor. Throughout the years of hard work, she finally got to where she wanted to be. She has taught me to stand strong when the odds are against me and that nothing is impossible. She always said that there would never be obstacles that are too hard for me to endure.

A true hero has the greatest power of all: the ability to impact another's life and shape another's character into that of a better person's. My mother has been a supreme force for good in my life. Her dedication, independence, love and strength have nurtured me and I owe her years of hard work and endurance -- a debt I will never be able to pay back. If it weren't for my mother, I wouldn't be the person I am today. It's not every day you find a person that is able to both inspire and impact you. I am lucky to have my mother as my inspiration.

I need help..
How is it written?
should i add anything else or take something out?

I really liked your essay, your respect and admiration for your mother is apparent to say the least.

I think the super-reference is used too many times in the first paragraph, though... It might also be a good idea to shorten/condense the cartoon section, where you talk about superheros and the smurfs and scooby and captain planet.

Also, the line 'I have always looked up to her...' is unnecessary imo... I would take that out, too. I find that most impressive essays I read generally don't address the prompt directly. Like 'my goal is to' and 'my inspiration is'... It's not written in stone, but I think it helps to be more subtle for a deeper hook.

You don't need to use the word 'basically' before 'nothing' (Indians like me do that a lot... do Koreans?).

I think the 3rd paragraph was very well written, especially your description of the stereotype and it's subscribers.

It sounded odd to read 'It's not everyday you find a person that has both inspired and impacted you...' It seems to me that inspiration is impact, so it sounds redundant.

But, apart from those minor quibbles, well done! And good luck! : )

akim1031
do you think that i should talk about myself more?

Instead of being passive here in your language, why not lighten it up more and use active, more imagery-evoking verbs? Verbs are awesome!

Here's my version! (of course, you SHOULD DEFINITELY change it to more of your voice seeing admission officers are amazing in their discerning changes in voice and inferring that someone has drastically helped you. Easily beating Popeye in an arm wrestling match, out-flying even Superman, and being more incredible than Mr. Incredible, she is a mother--my mother, my superhero. (I took out the Captain Planet because I don't really get that and three's the charm :-)


In my opinion, inspiration is making an impact on someone.

Generalizations, in my opinion, can sometimes be offensive to the reader if it contradicts him although you include him as part of "Americans"

Also, to answer your question, yes, you should definitely talk about you more; how she has changed you rather than who she is. This isn't a "My Hero" essay but rather "YOU" essay.