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Islamophobia is an important social issue. UT transfer topic E.


hirohussain 2 / 2 3  
Feb 27, 2016   #1
Hello, I was wanting advice on my UT transfer essay. I'm not very confident in it and know I need to change it somehow, but I don't know where. Thank you!

Prompt: Choose an issue of importance to you-it could be personal, school-related, local, political or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community or your generation

September 11th, 2001, the day the towers fell, the day that New York finally slept. Every American remembers this day, as if it has been burnt into their minds: where they were, what they were doing, and even what they were wearing. Most remember it for the loss of life, as the first terrorist attack on American soil. I, however, remember it as the day I started being held responsible for the actions of a few.

My friends, family, and I have been affected by Islamophobia for the past 15 years. Islamophobia is the prejudice against Islam as a political force and it has only been getting worse. Growing up, my mom would tell me not to pray around other people, or that I shouldn't be wearing my religious attire outside. I wondered why that was the case, but she would always say, I would understand when I am older. I watched for years, as I was "randomly selected" at the airport, teddy bears stripped searched, and Nintendo games patted down and I continued to wonder, why is it that my brother and I can't sit down for lunch without getting gaping stares? Why is it that I was told "I'm sorry for your loss" when Osama Bin Laden was killed? Why is it that my peaceful religion was transformed into something I was to feel shameful for?

Islamophobia is a significant issue in America today because of the sheer amount of people affected by it. Hate crimes happen left and right, and for every terrorist attack, hate crimes towards Muslims increase tenfold. Women in hijabs are harassed, mosques are burned down by arsonists, and innocent people are being shot because of what they look like and believe in. This is an even bigger problem because it is exactly what organizations like ISIS want. Persons battered by hate crimes are more likely to be targeted and recruited by terrorist organizations around the world. Terrorist organizations' main source of recruitment are young Muslims that have been bullied or treated unequally which is the vast majority of American Muslims today. The media rarely covers these things, so they are not in the public eye. Instead, the media features figureheads shouting to ban all Muslims from the United States, or that a Muslim could never be president. It is because of comments like these that children in Syria are unable to immigrate to the United States and are forced to join the groups they so despise. Due to Islamophobia in the media, the population persecutes the persecuted.

Social inequality can be solved through awareness, and Islamophobia is no different. Social justice movements have been emerging recently, demanding that certain groups be treated as equals to their dominant counterparts. Educating the public about what Islamophobia is, and how it affects not only the Muslim community, but the world, is the key to stopping it. Similar to the movements that have been surfacing recently, such as "Black Lives Matter" and the Feminism movement, the Muslim community could greatly benefit from a movement that challenges the inequality it faces.
daisylad 2 / 5 1  
Feb 28, 2016   #2
I think your essay is great. It has depth, good flowing sentences, and ideas that are very interesting. I think it will do great as an essay for your college. My critique would be that you can strengthen the backbone of your essay even more by telling a story. Use it as an anecdote. You have great examples mentioned already, but I'm thinking that maybe if you add a story specific to you, the admissions will get to know more of who you are. Perhaps you have a distinct memory from your life that you could use.

Using anecdotes like this will help the reader get to know who you are, and also keep them interested throughout your whole essay. :-)
caro5ca 2 / 8 1  
Feb 28, 2016   #3
Hello zeeshan! I loved the personal stories you shared and I think the middle of your essay is poetic-like. However I think your essay needs to start with an attention grabbing sentence and it will give it a much greater value. For example start with a personal story you shared. I think starting with September 11th, 2001, the day the towers fell, the day that New York finally slept is overrated because remember that a ton of people used this event as a prompt for their college application essays that same year, and we all know that a lot of people were affected this day. I hope you can find this useful have a nice day!


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