Write a letter to your first-year roommate at Babson. Tell him or her what it will be like to live with you, why you chose Babson, and what you are looking forward to the most in college:
Dear roommate,
Before I begin writing about me, I would like to say kudos to you for being accepted into this extremely prestigious college and the commendable community that could only exist at a school like Babson. College is widely considered to be one of the most important steps in becoming successful and, in turn, is one of the most important aspects of our lives. This is why I believe it is imperative to be familiar with the person who you will be spending much of these next four years with.
If I had to describe myself in a few general adjectives, they would be intelligent, driven, and helpful. I enjoy nearly all new experiences, except those that have to do with heights, and see them as learning experiences which mold our future. My major in Babson College is going to be Finance as I have a deep love for investing into ventures and securities. Maybe we will major in the same subject! For a very long time now I have had a profound desire to enter into the financial industry. This desire was escalated exponentially after I began to invest real money into securities and realized how challenging and interesting this activity actually is. I have had much experience with investing so if you ever need help with assignments that have to with this subject or even just advice, I would be more than happy to assist you. Above all else, I promise to be the most help I can possibly be to you. I believe that roommates should mutually benefit one another and help each other through thick and thin. We are about to embark on the four most important part of our lives, meeting new people and opening countless doors of opportunity on the way, and will undoubtedly need each other.
Babson has always been on the top of my list because of the extremely prestigious business education it can offer me. Since we have both chosen the correct first step to success, I presume that you have also decided Babson is a great fit for you, as there are many aspects of Babson that make it a great fit for me. When I was very young, I would see my father setting his own work hours and was completely confused. At that time I did not understand the concept of running one's own business and believed that everyone had to go through a continuous routine; waking up at 7:00, going to work, doing the same dull job one had to do every day, and then going home at 5:00. As I grew older, I began to understand what it meant to run a business and the freedom it can give. The more time went on and the more I thought about my future, the more I longed for this kind of freedom and opportunity to do something new and exciting every day. I believe Babson will assist me in achieving this goal of autonomy and will allow me to experience new and exciting things every day, helping me grow as a leader and a person.
What I am looking forward to the most in college are the relationships I will establish with my peers and teachers. These relationships will open new doors of opportunity for me and will allow me to take part in new activities which will undoubtedly augment my understanding of the world and, more importantly, myself.
Sincerely,
We are about to embark on the four most important part of our lives, meeting new people and opening countless doors of opportunity on the way, and will undoubtedly need each other.
Part? not years&?
Also, I seem to think that you have copied and pasted some of the other parts of an essay to fit this one. Let me tell you that it does not work. I saw through it straight away...and I think the admissions directors are even better at this.
This is not an essay of why you think the uni is good for you. I suggest you revise that part.
When I was very young...
What I am looking forward to the most in college are the relationships I will establish with my peers and teachers. These relationships will open new doors of opportunity for me and will allow me to take part in new activities which will undoubtedly augment my understanding of the world and, more importantly, myself.
Honestly, this part seems like part of another essay. Change it. You can retain some of it, I suppose, but not too much.
Thank you very much. Saying 'part' instead of 'years' was a mistake I realized I made after I posted this.
Also, I haven't copy and pasted anything in this essay. I got some ideas from existing essays but did not copy them. The only sentence that was to similar for comfort to a different essay was the first which is why other parts may have appeared to be copied. However, if you did see any other specific sentences that seem like they were copied can you please point them out?
Hey Michael!
Well, I just want to say it was a great letter. I think if you made it a bit more interesting than just the standard way of listing your qualities, it would make it more fun to read your essay. I think maybe if you cut down on your adjectives and your dad and talk more about how it would be like if he were to live more to live with you.
You're answer of why Babson is very generic. I've read lots of essays of why this college or that college and a lot of people answer like you do. Make it more personal =)
They way you write this essay makes you sound like a professional writer =).
Sorry for being harsh!
Good Luck!
