My industrious nature; UColorado @ Boulder - DIVERSE COMMUNITY

Prompt: Essay A (500 words maximum) The University of Colorado Boulder's Flagship 2030 strategic plan promotes exceptional teaching, research, scholarship, creative works, and service distinguishing us as a premier university. We strive to foster a diverse and inclusive community for all that engages each member in opportunities for academic excellence, leadership, and a deeper understanding of the world in which we live. Given the statement above, how do you think you could enrich our diverse and inclusive community and what are your hopes for your college experience?

I will bring my industrious nature to the University of Colorado Boulder. I enjoy working with others, and I believe I can contribute in the departments of physics and mathematics. I never enjoyed math or imagined myself pursuing a career involving mathematics until my sophomore year in high school. The first time I picked up the book The Complete Idiots Guide to Calculus by Michael Kelley I couldn't put it down. I was intrigued by the formulas and the humorous manner in which the concepts were presented; it truly inspired me to pursue a career involving math. Math is competitive; only a few people take up mathematics because it takes an immense amount of reading and application to an ancient discipline. The most appealing thing to me about math is that it allows me to go into my own world, away from reality and all the stress of the daily requirements of life. I wish to contribute to math in some way; I know there are others who are making new developments and breakthroughs in math. While some people say there's nothing new to discover, I believe there is something I can contribute. I'm not the brightest math student, but it's something I love doing. With my determination and my own dreams, I can become that brilliant mathematician I see in my head.

I hope to apply my skills of math, science, and engineering to real world situations by becoming an aerospace engineer. I am interested in aerospace engineering because it requires knowledge of math, physics, and basic engineering (circuits, thermodynamics, etc.). I attend programming seminars at the University of Nevada Las Vegas (UNLV) to better understand the programming that engineers use in their daily lives. I learned that programming at the college level is quite intricate; there are functions, orientations, and a whole lot of other technical operations which I am still trying to fathom. This might be my main challenge in college, but it's a challenge I am facing now to push and extend myself.

For the last four years I've been applying myself to my studies in order to graduate and achieve the academic standards I set. Academic excellence is my main goal and with the Advanced Placement classes that I'm taking, I am confident that I can be an excellent student at the University of Colorado at Boulder. As the first member in my family to graduate from high school, I recognize and value the importance of an education. In my family, there is no recognition of the worth of an education. I watch my parents struggle with drug addictions and alcohol, and it has impacted the way I view my future. I realized that I don't want to lead the lives they have lived. I know that I can be better than that; I can represent something more in this world. The diverse and inclusive environment at the University of Colorado at Boulder will enable me to see the world from a different perspective.

Hey fsolano~~ I think you got a great essay here. It explains well your love in math and how you want to use it to realize your dream.

However, to improve, perhaps you have to specify why you want to become an aerospace engineer, not A engineer. you know what I am trying to say? why aerospace?

And also, I think you have to very unique life story there because you don't want to follow the track of your family. Consider maybe use it at the beginning so it will be more eye-catching?

just some personal thoughts. Good luck with your application!!!

Can you spare a few minutes to check my university of michigan essay? I am in despair...

I wouldn't begin with this. It starts off too abruptly.


You don't elaborate on this, I think you should


I don't find this to be the most convincing way to phrase this.


academic standards I set for myself

I think this essay could use some work. You don't really go anywhere with your argument. You keep repeating "I love math. I'm not really great at math, but I love it." You need to clearly make an argument for why you love math, science, and aerospace engineering. From the reasoning you have provided, I can't see why you chose aerospace engineering. I'm also not quite sure you completely answer the prompt. I don't totally understand what they're asking, but if part of it includes "how do you think you could enrich our diverse and inclusive community," then I think you should address that at some point.

I like the way you write. Your essay shows everybody how much you love maths and how good you are at it as well. But you have almost dedicated your entire essay to that certain topic "how much I love math". I think you might need to add something about yourself to interest the reader because I'm sure many people will be writing the same thing. Something about you that would blow you off the page.