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India, my dad, a Robotics Engineer or a Musician dream - The world I come from


abhilashmur 1 / -  
Nov 8, 2010   #1
Hi
I am not good in writing essays. Now I am having trouble in writing admission essays. Can someone please help me with this essay. I need this essay word count as 415 words.

Thank You

Abhi

The World I live in

Many people have a moral or story behind their dreams and aspirations that control the different paths in life. I have many dreams like becoming a Robotics Engineer or a Musician, but the dream I feel more passionate about is helping other people who are too poor to achieve anything in life. My dad's theory is helping others will bring joy to us and to them.

I come from a family who lived in the poor villages in India. My parents have told me many details of how they grew up and how I started my life. When my parents grew up, they had to struggle for food and an education; it was not an easy life to live. My grandparents had worked two or three jobs to fund my parents good life, education and not to struggle as they had gone through.

My dad told me that he had to work hard and put tremendous amount of effort to achieve his dreams when he moved to USA. As a child he only had one dream and that was nothing but to fund his family. I remember a vivid image when I was 3 years old; I was hungry and wanted more food, so my mom had given me her dinner to eat as they could not afford too much food in the house.

The image of my mom spending the night starving is carved in my brain. When I was about 7 years old that image slowly made me realize that my parents had gone through many hardships in life and India has a high poverty rate. I also realized that if my parents went through then imagine all the people still going through this right now. So, I decided that when I grew older and had a steady income, I will help as many people as possible for them to have a great life. My Dad got the job in USA and we moved here. Now, my parents donate food and clothes for needy people during our birthdays and holidays season.

Today I live in San Jose, California in the Silicon Valley with my parents and a little brother. As I look back I can see all the hardships that my parents have gone through that have shaped the way I think of life and my dreams. Some day I hope to reach my dreams and I will work hard until I get there.
Cyph0n 2 / 4  
Nov 8, 2010   #2
I can help a bit with grammatical errors, but increasing the word count is something beyond me. You'll have to try doing that on your own.

Many people have a moral or story behind their dreams and aspirations that control the different paths in their lives . I have many dreams, like becoming a robotics engineer or a musician, but the dream I feel passionate about the most is helping other people who are too poor to achieve anything in life. My dad's theory is that helping others will bring joy to them, and to us as well .

I come from a family who lived in the poor villages in India. My parents have told me many details of how they grew up and how I started my life. When my parents grew up, they had to struggle for food and education ; it was not an easy life to live. My grandparents had worked two or three jobs to fund my parents' good life, education and not to struggle the same way they did before .

My dad told me that he had to work hard and put a tremendous amount of effort to achieve his dreams when he moved to the USA. As a child, he only had one dream and that was to fund his family. I remember a vivid image from back when I was 3 years old; I was hungry and wanted more food, so my mom gave me her dinner to eat as they could not afford to have enough food in the house.

The image of my mom spending the night starving is still carved in my brain. When I was about 7 years old, that image slowly made me realize that my parents had gone through many hardships in life and India has a high poverty rate (I don't think this is necessary). I also realized that if my parents went through it back then, imagine all the people still going through it right now. So, I decided that when I grow older and have a steady income, I will help as many people as possible so they can have a great life; one that I never had . My Dad got the job in USA and we moved here . Now, my parents donate food and clothes for needy people during our birthdays and the holiday season.

Today I live in San Jose, California in the Silicon Valley with my parents and a little brother. As I look back I can see all the hardships that my parents have gone through that have shaped the way I think of life and my dreams. Some day I hope to reach my dreams and I will work hard until I get there.
tanyasilva11 10 / 38  
Nov 8, 2010   #3
there are some grammatical errors. you could also spruce up your diction/syntax.
go back and revise some more.


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