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I am incredibly proud of my AP scores - UC Personal Statement [Freshman] Prompt #2


wonderland562 2 / 1 2  
Nov 28, 2015   #1
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

(504 words max)

I am incredibly proud of my AP scores, though I am sure the best of the best would look aghast, especially with two 3s. I look with pride, not intending to humblebrag, because my first AP score, a '3' in the AP Biology exam for the 2013-2014 year, left me with a deep disappointment that changed my attitude towards AP courses.

With the new sophomore year and various class interruptions explaining the significance of the A-G requirements and perseverance, I knew I had to take an AP course to gauge the difficulty and understand the pace I would be taking for next year. With few friends, culminating in 20+ students, AP Biology was then opened with more than enough students, but as I looked at my new class schedule, I mouthed to myself in confusion the phrase, "zeroth period." As if waking up was not difficult enough, I now had to wake up at around 5 AM and be driven at what seemed to be a surreal transition between night and morning; coffee and weary greetings became run of the mill to this day.

Surprisingly, I faced more obstacles outside the class than inside for the first semester; within months, those 20+ enthusiastic students were reduced to nine worried students with the threat of the class being canceled looming over us, reaching the nadir of our anxieties with the principal canceling the class for two weeks and only retreating with the protests of less than a dozen of students. Meanwhile, I struggle to memorize the puzzling content, scoring consecutive Cs and Fs and turning incomplete chapter worksheets, while spending my Saturdays with test tube racks and assignments in-school. Not used to reading textbooks at the AP level, I would spend late nights, reviewing material and homework with my desktop light being the only appliance lit.

With Spring rolling in, I grew paradoxically apathetic and anxious,; the exam was within months yet under joining my first sport, doing club work, and the regular pile of homework, my concerns didn't stir me into action. I only began to cram in the last two weeks, using study groups and CliffsAP Biology. It was no surprise I reap what I showed: a mediocre score when I could have received higher.

In spite of this, I didn't allow my failure to taint any hopes; the next year, I devoted all my efforts to my new AP courses, taking a stunning four. Though my family, few friends, and counselor were skeptical, I knew I could put all my troubles to rest with the lessons I had learned the previous year. Though exhausting and infuriating at times, I manage to score higher than a '3' on all, but one exam; with scores incoming and my weighted GPA rising, I found myself the unofficial valedictorian of the Class of 2016 in Maywood Academy for a brief while, looking at my transition between AP scores as the emblem of my perseverance, the ability to move on from failure and tackle obstacle before obstacle.

I honestly am not sure whether I answered the prompt properly, and any comments, criticism, and suggestions would be welcome. Thank you so much for your time.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Nov 28, 2015   #2
Rene, I have a strange feeling that you meant to answer the prompt about facing an obstacle and how you overcame it. The essay that you currently have does not respond to the prompt you provided at all. So in answer to your question, nope, you did not answer the prompt properly. Not even remotely. You answered a totally different prompt altogether.

I would suggest that at this point, you do one of two things.

1. Change the prompt in order to use this current essay
2. Write a new essay that better responds to the prompt expectations.

My opinion is that since you have already spent so much time writing this essay, that you just change the prompt to the "obstacle" question if it is available in your application packet. It is easier to edit the essay to suit the correct prompt than it is to write a totally new essay that will fit the prompt you chose but misunderstood. Let me know how you opt to proceed. I'll be more than happy to continue guiding you down either path for your essay :-)
Ziks_a 3 / 3 1  
Nov 28, 2015   #3
I disagree with @vangiespen. You could rewrite this essay to highlight your resilience and optimism. If you go down that path, spend less time talking about the struggles of AP class and focus on how you dealt with failure after the exam.
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Nov 28, 2015   #4
Rene, I believe you have a good essay and it's a boarder line of the other essays.
It feels like you can use the same exact essay to answer the other prompt that asks
for your achievements and academic glory in detail.

This is you personal statement yo UC and although you were able to add information
about the person that you are and your background, it's also good that you were
able incorporate your achievements and answer the prompt properly.

I believe there a little bit of enhancement to be done with focus on your grammar and sentence construction, you also have to maintain a

smooth flow and transition of your sentences.


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