"I am an incomplete portrait" - Essay for the Common App

Thank you. I will take any criticism. The topic was:

Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.

Each day is a struggle to find my identity. As cliché as that sounds, I've never felt so disconcerted about an issue. I'm seventeen years old, my body's in fine shape, and my mind's fresh. Yet I can't help but feel there's something vital missing. As I complete my daily tasks and roles, I appear content and neutral to my family and colleagues. However on the inside my mind is fully engrossed juggling thoughts and dancing with philosophies. I don't trouble my parents with my feelings in fear of them seeing me as ungrateful. My friends console me by assuring that I'm not the only one feeling confused. Seeking further counsel, I turn to literature. As I read Ralph Emerson's Self-Reliance, a hidden flame ignites somewhere inside of me. Perhaps it's my inner romanticist yearning to escape.

I live by experience. So I always try to salvage what I can from every moment and am extra keen about my surroundings. As I survey people on my daily train ride, I am troubled by the languid expressions I see. Miscommunication is currently one of society's biggest flaws. Everything would be so much simpler if someone could just talk to the person next to them. I may not be able to influence mankind as a whole, but I can at least start by working on myself. Basic acts of altruism such as random smiles and tame compliments make all the difference in my daily interactions. Of course before I can love another, I must first learn to love myself.

I represent more than just myself. I wear the mantel of my parent's teachings and all the dignity included with them. My mother summarized everything when she told me "Be a genuine human being." As I go off to college I may be physically leaving my parents behind, but they are still very much present in life. At the very least I must succeed in my life to make sure that all their sacrifices and hardships in raising me are not in vain.

After my parents, the rest of my identity is left for me to craft. Humans are pieces of pottery constantly being molded by the winds of experience. In order to discover who I am, I have to throw myself out into the world and gather all manners of experience. This is why I am looking forward to college. For the first time ever, I will be free from the chains of security and be able to go after what my soul thirsts for. I am excited at this prospect and my only fear is that I will not be able to experience everything.

In essence, I am an incomplete portrait being painted one bit at a time. Each day I discover subtle details about myself that remained dormant. I intend to fleet from this Earth as a finished masterpiece. I look forward to college helping me with this goal.

no contractions


engrossed in juggling


how would they find your ungrateful?


no no phrase. it sounds banal.


nice :)


i know its hard to tell but how can college EXACTLY help you do that.. its okay to guess but you have to say why you think college is the only place for this.

can you edit my bu 3 words?