and started to enjoy the real life.
What do you mean by "the real life?" That is interesting to me. Do you mean that in America you enjoyed freedoms that make life "real?"
I like this essay a lot. I hope you understand the corrections made by L. Chiang, but I also want to tell you that your way of writing is very good. In this modern world, people have very different styles of writing in English.
For example, this is good:
However, I had the courage to start a new beginning with the strong feeling inside me to face all the realities of life and be firmed on my educational goals.
But I might write it like this:
However, I had the courage to start a new beginning with the strong
feeling desire inside me to face all the realities of life and become firm in my decision about educational goals to pursue.
Please just stay focused on your specific goals. That is what I think you should discuss some more in the essay... specific intentions for the future.