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'Hardware issues' - MIT Creativity Essay (a time you used your creativity)


AbhijeetS 4 / 6  
Dec 18, 2009   #1
This is my MIT creativity essay. I like my topic, but i think the essay sounds a little stiff. Feel free to make suggestions. Its exactly 250 words right now. Also do any of my fellow computer geeks out there think MIT will get the reference to Richard Stallman and his insistence on using the term GNU/Linux?

Tell us about a time you used your creativity. This could be something you made, a project that you led, an idea that you came up with, or pretty much anything else. (200-250 word limit)

I have always been passionate about technology and its ability to profoundly affect the world around us. Thus, when I noticed that my school was tabulating grades by hand, by all accounts a very inefficient process, I set out to change it. I decided to set up a computer server to automate the process.

Since I am an avid supporter of open source software, I decided to design a server that would use the GNU/Linux operating system. I selected a set of applications that I thought would fit, and set up a prototype on my laptop. After showing the principal and teachers a demo, I received their enthusiastic support as well as a desktop on which I was allowed to experiment.

The first complications were hardware issues. Most of the hardware at the school was near obsolete. Fortunately, only the network drivers and the graphics configuration file needed to be fixed. The next problem was to show the teachers how to enter data into the server. Their apprehensions had to be overcome so that they could go about entering grades without issue. After a bit of patient explanation, they did come around and have made the server their tool of choice.

What I valued most about the experience was that I identified and engineered a solution to a problem no one else had even seen. I was able to put my skill at analyzing problems and my knowledge of computers together into something that benefited the school as a whole.
yang 2 / 313  
Dec 18, 2009   #2
process, I set out to change it. I decided to set up a computer server to automate the process.

process. I decided to change it by setting up a computer...

overall, really good essay. I had a big trouble with this topic (guess that's why i'm deferred lol), but you seem to have captured the point. Well done, i think they'll enjoy it :D
bluekleenexx 5 / 6  
Dec 18, 2009   #3
I have always been passionate about technology and its ability to profoundly affect the world around us. Thus, when I noticed that my school was tabulating grades by hand, by all accounts a very inefficient process, I set out to change it.

I would put "by all accounts a very inefficient process" in parentheses or something. Commas are not appropriate here

Since I am an avid supporter of open source software, I decided to design a server that would use the GNU/Linux operating system.
is GNU/Linux "open source" software? Computers are not my forte, so I do not know. You may want to make this a little more clear.

After showing the principal and teachers a demo, I received their enthusiastic support as well as a desktop on which I was allowed to experiment.

Which teachers? all of your teachers? your best bet would probably be to say "a few teachers"

After showing the principal and teachers a demo, I received their enthusiastic support as well as a desktop on which I was allowed to experiment.

I feel like "platform" is a more appropriate word here than "desktop"

The first complications were hardware issues.
You never transition into there being issues in the first place. You might want to start this paragraph with something like "However, no project comes without its share of roadblocks" or something like that

Most of the hardware at the school was nearly obsolete.

After a bit of patient explanation, they did come around and have made the server their tool of choice.
"tool" isn't really the right word here.

I was able to put my skill at analyzing problems and my knowledge of computers together into something that benefited the school as a whole.

I would say "analytical skills" instead of "still at analyzing problems." If you do want to structure it that way, though, "at" is not the correct preposition to follow skill -- "in" is the correct preposition, I believe.
yang 2 / 313  
Dec 19, 2009   #4
I would put "by all accounts a very inefficient process" in parentheses or something. Commas are not appropriate here

i think dash will be better
yang 2 / 313  
Dec 19, 2009   #5
I received their enthusiastic support as well as a desktop computer to experiment with.

it sounds awkward, although there's nothing wrong syntax-wise with this sentence. It's just that juxtaposing support with computer...seems awkward, maybe it's just me tho.

your focus seemed to be more on the update and the explaining more than on the creation of the software. I'm not sure if that's what you want...isn't the creation the actual creativity part?

But this essay is indeed strong as it is. It conveys your particular way of thinking.


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