Be brutally honest and I have not completely edited the grammar mistakes, so if there is and you need to be opinionated on my work, please do so! Much help is appreciated!
Describe how a Purdue education will help you achieve your personal and/or professional goals.
I was going through my early childhood photos yesterday that was placed on the floor before me. My childhood was literally concluded on a paper that was no more than six by six inches. That reminded me of how quickly time passed by. I closed my eyes to erase the pain I went through as a child. The bullying and the difficulty an adolescent would face, but in my case, it may have been slightly worst. I realized that my emotion palette was filled with nothing but sadness, and desolation.
I lay down on the floor and remembered the good times of my life where everything was just picture perfect. I opened my eyes with a sense of pride and consolation, like I have won something. That's when I knew that I am going to succeed by ceaselessly being determinant and optimistic. By adding my emotion palette with nothing but laughter, happiness and success.
That's why I am writing an admission essay, because there is nothing more in the world I want than to move forward and accomplish what I was born to do- Finance. My immense love and passion for mathematics is beyond wonted. Even by getting a B in math, I would consider it to be just satisfactory because I knew I have tried. But that didn't stop me in trying harder for the rest of my subjects.
Like how one would be frustrated if she can't follow to the rhythm of music, that is similarly being applied to my situation. I can't dwell but instead, it's time to make a change. However, make a change not to me, but to the society. I want to make a contribution to the society after getting my Purdue degree. Building orphanages, and old folks home for the less fortunate would give me joy by putting a smile on their faces.
My late uncle once told me that dancing is impossible to be described but it is something that we should experience. That's how I feel in the dreams of becoming a Purdue student. The school's perpetuation of making student strive to the very best is what best suits me. Being accepted in Purdue would be a milestone in my life. I want to be a graduate, filled with nothing but morality, dignity and respect.
In addition, Purdue is going to make me stronger than I can ever be. Because like an enthusiast, I am willing to learn. I have a chance to build my name and be somebody big one day. I am going to fill up my empty book, written with excitements, adventure, passion and joy that I have and also will share as a future investment banker being enrolled in one of the top business schools in the world. I can do lots of things that I want to. Make my own name. Make a myriad of money. Help the needy. But none of those would matter to me because I need to go to college first.
I was going through my early childhood photos yesterday that was placed on the floor before me. My childhood was literally concluded on a paper that was no more than six by six inches. That reminded me of how quickly time passed by. I closed my eyes to erase the pain I went through as a child. The bullying and the difficulty an adolescent would face, but in my case, it may have been slightly worst. I realized that my emotion palette was filled with nothing but sadness, and desolation.
I think you should omit this intro to your paper, and try something different to start off with. The college want you to specifically answer the question- how will you college education help you achieve your goals, so be sure to thoroughly answer this question. You can mention that having a tough upbringing made you want to try hard and gave you strength, later in the essay. I'd advise you to begin with explaining the passion you have for math and finance. Explain why your mind is attracted to this field, what about your personality makes math suit you so well? What skills or background do you already have that will provide groundwork for higher education? How do you intend to use math in the real world? Tell the admissions officials exactly what kind of plan you have (they really like to see this) What are your goals (short term and long term) for the future? How do you intend to achieve those goals? What kind of things will you learn in school that will help you make it in the professional world? I think you have said a lot of these things in your essay, but try to organize them in a more straightforward and concise manner. If you revise this, feel free to post it in this thread. We are happy to check it for you. Good luck in school :)
