First of all.. Zhiyang, I would like say thank to your feedback.
Are you trying to do a feedback of your internship experience or an admission essay or a curriculum vitae for work?
I am trying to do a feedback of my internship experience.
For the first paragraph, instead of "By having an internship, you will be taught more deeply on future work", you can say "Through an internship, one can gain experience in applying one's knowledge in the industry, preparing one for the workforce".
I agree with you.
In the same paragraph, for the second sentence from the last, it should be "I had an internship"
Thanks for the correction... :-)
For the next sentence, you should have started off like this "During my internship" instead of "When I had internship".
Thank you for your suggestion. I'll take consideration.
Also, I don't understand what does "in the fast lane" means, or at least I have never heard of such a phrase. You should just say something that implies that an internship has good points and bad points. Something like " it was a hectic, yet, rewarding experience"."in the fast lane"
It's an idiom. which means "a way of living which is full of excitement and activity and often danger".
See dictionary.cambridge.org/define.asp?key=life*1+0&dic t=I
Moving on to the next paragraph, it should be theoretical skills what that I have got in University"
Following that, the next sentence should be "Since my knowledge is not enough and I then spent the day reading e-books".
Moving on, instead of "Many lessons were accidentally taught to me, about real life experiences and I gained some confidence", how about " I learned many life lessons/skills on the job and from my colleagues experiences, which boosted my confidence".
For this sentence, "On the other hand, I have just realized what were some people saying about the good points of having an internship", please elaborate.
And for this sentence "Throughout my internship I also gained network with the whole ball of wax(IT Professionals); Up until now I still have contact with them", please rephrase as it is too informal.
Thanks for the corrections and suggestions. I am glad it.
Please substitute another word for "badness", since it is informal, which should not be the tone of this essay. I am sorry, I cannot think of another word now.
How about "unpleasantness
For the third paragraph, for the second and third sentence, just say that throughout the internship, you are very busy and was struggling trying to solve the challenges met at work.
For the rest of your third paragraph, your tone makes intership sound very unappealing.
*laugh* Actually, I don't have any idea about the bad points having an internship.
Your conclusion could begin like this "In conclusion, regarding having an internship, after weighing the good points against the bad points, I still feel...(continue as you did)..
For the next sentence, in should be "point of having an internship is that I can prepare the ground myself for the time when I join the workforce, in terms of confidence and competence.
Last sentence, you make internship sound very appealing which is paradoxical, considering how unappealing you made it sound above.
Again, I should make a decision to entertain the reader about conclusion of my essay.
These are just my comments, I have no idea how useful they are to you, hope you can use them.
:-) Your feedback make my essay more clear. Thank you very much.