Strikeouts mean to delete and the red words are the replacements:
Success can be definedas many different meanings depending on each people's views
- can be defined
in various ways ...
depending on each people's views such as making
- on each
person's views
children at the same age
- children
of the same...
I have my own family as a strong wall for me to count on .
- My family is a strong support system that I can count on
without worryinghow to find a place to sleep tomorrow
about a place
her motorbike
-
our motorbike (since you were with her at the time)
I saw very old
- I saw
a very
Nevertheless, most of them ignore.
-
The people ignored them .
Other time ,
-
One timetraffic light neglects her
-
ignoredI ask my mother t
- I asked (be careful of your tense usage)
them few money
-
a little money
I feel pity
- I
felt ...
They are too old to do these things to make lives
- survive
to give them home,
- to give them
a home
On the weekend
- weekend
s (You re talking of more than one weekend here. Be careful of the plural forms)
and to pursuit their dreams
-
pursuenever want to forget.
- forget
itwe went to the Peace Village
-
we go ( tenses problem again)
in my local hospital
- at my local...
we went to pagoda where
-- we went to
the pagoda
contribution campaign
- campaign
s (plural form again)
so pink that just happens
- so pink that
it just happens...
goal obsesses me
- goal has
obsessed me
since I was a little kid until now , and absolutely it will do so till I am an adult.
-
and I am looking forward to doing it as an adult.I believe that it becomes my motivation for my study as well as my career.
-
This is the motivation that I use for my studies and career choices.I have to try my best to make this dream come true, but first I have to make myself that this dream can be come true.
-
I will do my best to make my dream come true by following the academic and career path that will make it a reality.I hope you don't mind that I improved upon some of your sentences to make it more artistic and flow better. This is a very heartwarming essay :-) I hope my review helps you.