Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 4


'friends who teased me' - The other option- Describe an activity


hbilgili1 1 / 2  
Dec 19, 2011   #1
- 5 - Tell us about one of your activities that you participate in and its effect on your development.
By the end of 4th form (9th grade), I was sick and tired of my friends who teased me because I was overweight. At 176cm, I was 93 kg. I played an online role-playing game with my friends for at least 4 hours a day.

I understood the gravity of the situation after a parents' meeting at the beginning of 5th form. I had a C prediction for my English and B for French. I regularly disregarded my homework. Moreover, I didn't listen in class, preferring to chat with others. A main reason was pinpointed by every single one of my teachers. The teachers knew about the game I played, so they advised me to quit that game and take up sports instead.

After that wake-up call, I decided to take action. I insisted my mother to ask around for any sports group that I could join. I searched the papers, asked my friends and finally, found a basketball school in my region.

At first, I didn't notice anything different. It seemed to me like I would never be a player. Time proved me wrong, and as I developed, I wanted to play more often. Basketball taught me discipline, sharing and sacrificing something for the greater good. I eventually managed to get into a basketball team. I put in my best effort at trainings, managing to get a place in the starting five of the team.

Not only did my physique improve, my personality plus my school performance were affected positively as well. My self-confidence was dramatically enhanced as I was in a much better physical shape. The friends who used to tease me for being fat now tease me for not being able to dunk on a regulation hoop.

My discipline on the court also helped me concentrate better out of the court. My increased level of focus helped me get more out of lessons, meaning that I could study an hour at home per day and still get better grades than I used to. I quitted playing that online game, instead, I preferred to do my homework and studies.

This also left more time for basketball, which eventually turned into more than a hobby. It became a passion. The parquet floor, the creaking of shoes, the sound of a swish, the bouncing of the ball...I remember the times when the court's grounds-man had to kick me out since it was 10 p.m. The reason was that he had to get some sleep. Every time that he asked me to leave, he would say "You have been here for more than 4 hours, haven't you had enough?" To tell the truth, I never had enough of basketball. I still have the insatiable urge to play basketball until my body tells me to stop.

Basketball has made me who I am today. I feel privileged by the fact that I am a basketball player and I believe that having a hobby which you are really passionate about is something that every human being should experience. Basketball made me grow on so many different levels; I am grateful for the advice of my teachers.

Please submit your opinions below...Any and every criticism is hugely appreciated :)
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Dec 19, 2011   #2
I insisted that my mother to ask around for any sports group that I could join.

Time proved me wrong however , and as I developed, I wanted to play more often.

Basketball taught me discipline, sharing, and sacrificing something for the greater good.

I eventually managed to get onto a basketball team.

My discipline on the court also helped me concentrate better off the court.

I quitted playing that online game, and instead, I preferred to do my homework and studies.

Great essay! Good luck with school and have fun!

:)
OP hbilgili1 1 / 2  
Dec 19, 2011   #3
Thanks Susan! Merry Xmas.
Revised version...

- 5 - Tell us about one of your activities that you participate in and its effect on your development.

By the end of 4th form (9th grade), I was sick and tired of my friends who teased me because I was overweight. At 176cm, I was 93 kg. I played an online role-playing game with my friends for at least 4 hours a day.

I understood the gravity of the situation after a parents' meeting at the beginning of 5th form. I had a C prediction for my English and B for French. I regularly disregarded my homework. Moreover, I didn't listen in class, preferring to chat with others. A main reason was pinpointed by every single one of my teachers. The teachers knew about the game I played, so they advised me to quit that game and take up sports instead.

After that wake-up call, I decided to take action. I insisted that my mother ask around for any sports group that I could join. I searched the papers, asked my friends and finally, found a basketball school in my region.

At first, I didn't notice anything different. It seemed to me like I would never be a player. Time proved me wrong however, and as I developed, I wanted to play more often. Basketball taught me discipline, sharing, and sacrificing something for the greater good. I eventually managed to get onto a basketball team. I put in my best effort at trainings, managing to get a place in the starting five of the team.

Not only did my physique improve, my personality plus my school performance were affected positively as well. My self-confidence was dramatically enhanced as I was in a much better physical shape. The friends who used to tease me for being fat now tease me for not being able to dunk on a regulation hoop.

My discipline on the court also helped me concentrate off the court. My increased level of focus helped me get more out of lessons, meaning that I could study an hour at home per day and still get better grades than I used to. I quit playing that online game, opting to do my homework and studies instead.

This also left more time for basketball, which eventually turned into more than a hobby. It became a passion. The parquet floor, the creaking of shoes, the sound of a swish, the bouncing of the ball...I remember the times when the court's grounds-man had to kick me out since it was 10 p.m. The reason was that he had to get some sleep. Every time that he asked me to leave, he would say "You have been here for more than 4 hours, haven't you had enough?" To tell the truth, I never had enough of basketball. I still have the insatiable urge to play basketball until my body tells me to stop.

Basketball has made me who I am today. I feel privileged by the fact that I am a basketball player and I believe that having a hobby which you are really passionate about is something that every human being should experience. Basketball made me grow on so many different levels; I am grateful for the advice of my teachers.
mchehn 1 / 5  
Dec 19, 2011   #4
I think instead of writing "I understood the gravity of the situation after a parents' meeting at the beginning of 5th form.", you should write "I did not understand the gravity of the situation until after a parents' meeting..."

Just my two cents...this wording format would make it more clear (well, at least for me, maybe not for others?)


Home / Undergraduate / 'friends who teased me' - The other option- Describe an activity
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳