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My father gave me strenght and confidence; My Biggest Influence


cinderss 2 / 3  
Jan 7, 2013   #1
this is my personal essay for college applications. i posted a similar one a month ago. so this has a little more. I am a HORRIBLE writer (you can tell after you read this!) but i need one more SHORT paragraph (3 sentences) about what my dad has helped me accomplish or how he has made me the person i am today...any suggestion? thank you :)

Throughout a child's life parents guide them in the right direction while being there every step of the way. From taking the first step to going off to college their parents will cherish their every move and every skill they will learn. For me, my childhood was a little out of the ordinary.

At a young age I did not have a mother figure in my life, she unexpectedly walked out leaving my military dad with two young girls, it was then up to him to take on both roles as mother and father. My father made the biggest impact during my childhood, he was there to guide me to success which left a positive influence on me. Unlike any other parent, my father took on double amounts of work and was still able to provide his daughters with care. He has always told me that no matter how hard your day may seem it will always get better if you think positive, and from that I have learned to always keep my head up and try my hardest at everything I do. My dad would stay up all night just to help me with school work, he would do the silliest thing to make me laugh

*NEED ANOTHER SHORT PARAGRAPH HERE*
My father has given me a sense of strength and a huge amount of self confidence. He has sacrificed so much for me and has shaped me into the woman I am today. Words cannot express the things my father has done for me. Not only is he a father he is a hero, my hero.

also should i include a title?
lexilex1995 6 / 17  
Jan 7, 2013   #2
A title is important you must have one and i think it would be more interesting it you mad it into a narrative. blow the minds of people who are going to read you essay make them feel what you write ^_^
naomiesterm 2 / 4  
Jan 7, 2013   #3
I feel like you should incorporate how your father impacted you and how you used the impact in your life. IDK if this makes sense. I mean to say your father helped you to be optimistic. How did you use that lesson in your life. In what ways have you shown your optimism.

For example(personal example): My father taught me to be determined.
I gave an example on how he was determined followed by how I have shown my determination.


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