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'my family moved to Orange County, California from Vietnam' - UC Prompt 1


vuongluu2301 1 / 4  
Nov 13, 2011   #1
Hi, my name is Vuong. If you guys don't mind, please take time to look at my personal statement for UC. Thanks a lot!!!

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

In 2008, my family moved to Orange County, California from Vietnam. I always wondered why we had to move to this new country because we had a really good life in Vietnam. It is a beautiful place with friendly and humorous people. Others judge my country as being communist and figure that negative things happen there every day. Somehow they have made wrong assumption about Vietnam; it is true that the country has some strict rules to control its citizens, but actually we the people don't absolutely follow these rules. People in Vietnam have wonderful friendships and they are always willing to help each other in a time of need. This is my perspective of Vietnam: it is truly a lovely and friendly place.

I was born in the city of Ho Chi Minh, located in South Vietnam. Since the Vietnam War, my country has been separated into northern and southern regions; however, we still feel that we all belong to the same country. We are all brothers and sisters. We still imagine that we live under the same roof, and we are all sons of the dragon and goddess. For these reasons, I have to be honest in admitting that I was not thrilled in my parent's decision to move from Vietnam to the United States where I had to adapt to an entirely different culture. My parents, on the other hand, thought that they were making the right move. They assumed that the United States would provide me with greater opportunities, and eventually, a better life. Though I didn't necessarily agree with them, kids always find a way to fit in. Likewise, I did what I could to make the most of my new situation. By having an open mind, I realized that my parents were right. The sunshine and weather may be the same as in Vietnam, but there is something essentially different about my new country: education.

In Vietnam, education is not valued as significantly as it is here in the US. The teachers in Vietnam expected that all students achieve perfect results without understanding the how or the why of their learning goals. Surprisingly, under that type of pressure, I developed a strong commitment for overcoming obstacles. In my younger years, I learned to study like a robot without creating any dreams or goals for myself. The tests and exams prepared me only to take more tests and exams, rather than to practice what I had learned. While I studied with the intention of memorizing as many facts as I could, nothing I was memorizing seemed to apply to the real world or to my life.

When I came to the United States, I noticed a huge difference. Santiago High School has helped me to set a dream for practicing what I have learned. I dream of becoming a geneticist, a complicated career due to the many theories, concepts, and complex vocabulary. The reason I have chosen to aspire to this goal is because of the deadly effects of cancer. Cancer has increased rapidly throughout history, especially in countries with poor living conditions, such as my old country. It has killed many people and one of these individuals is my own grandfather. My grandfather passed away three months after I arrived in the United States. I know his pain and despair in fighting against this disease, and I desperately want to stop this disease from affecting more people. Scientists still have not found a cure for this deadly disease, but I hope that a college career will me to learn more about genetics and the way in which cancer is strongly related to the mutation of DNA. In the future, I hope to find out the methods of prevention before this disease affects many more people.
brainop - / 5  
Nov 13, 2011   #2
Very excellent essay! It is very direct, and makes complete sense. Just by reading it once, I understand that you are from Vietnam, from where you believed was a sort of paradise, but then you realized that the United States encourages more aspiring than your home country, and that you dreamed of becoming a geneticist. Some constructive criticism I would provide:

1) tie together somehow location with aspiration--I felt slightly disconnected when I started to read about cancer and your grandfather
2) why do you need to write about how being a geneticist is "complicated"?
3) write more about Vietnam was amazing rather than what others think about the country. When you write "Others judge...", it seems a little negative

I liked the part where you thought North and South Vietnam are brothers and sisters. Keep that.

If you have any questions or want to read more about writing creatively, check it out.
OP vuongluu2301 1 / 4  
Nov 13, 2011   #3
hi Frank, thanks for your meaningful comments. I write about my complicated career is because it is really complicated, if you've ever take AP bio in high school, you'll know that. I write that just because this complicated thing is the main challenge that i firstly have to go through. The word "Judge" sounds negative, and of course it is. They just judge without knowing anything about my country, which is the same for the majority. I will change it to make my essay more simple to read.


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