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FAMILY HISTORY ESSAY - very wise and ambitious grandmother


iSasha 8 / 11 2  
Dec 1, 2015   #1
With this college essay, I need help identifying if it is an interesting enough topic and if I am clear in projecting my message to my reader. It's also a 250 word max essay but I'm currently at 318. Any help will be MUCH appreciated!!

How does your family's history, culture, or environment influenced who you are?

Many little girls often look up to their grandmothers, maybe because they love the way she bakes cookies or simply appreciate the way their grandmothers hold them in their arms. However, my grandmother is special to me because she inspired me to be bold enough to pursue my goals, despite the challenges I would face as a Hispanic woman; women in general are at a disadvantage when it comes to being viewed as equally successful as their male counterparts, although it is more difficult for Hispanic women.

My grandmother aware of this plight when she began to express her passion for journalism at an early age. At that time in Panama, there were only a few female journalists, the majority were men. My grandmother had to endure interminable taunting and rejections from professional journalists, simply because she was a woman. She told me once that she would never pay attention to the unwarranted negative opinions of other people because she was wholeheartedly preoccupied transforming her dreams into reality.

Because of her infinite determination, my grandmother diligently worked her way to becoming the first news anchorwoman in Panama's history. Today, it is unarguably a hard task for a woman to be recognized in the media industry, so with that in mind, it must have been nearly impossible when my grandmother was my age. Thankfully, my grandmother did not let anything, or anyone, falter her determination.

Like many grandmothers, mine is very wise and her ambition radiates every time she gives me advice, especially in regards to pursuing my dreams. She has always supported my decision in pursuing a career in film and writing. Therefore, I am so grateful to have a figure like her in my life, to remind me that anything is possible as long as I am willing to work hard enough to achieve it.
jdsada98 2 / 2  
Dec 1, 2015   #2
I would change the following:

although it is more difficult for Hispanic women.
to:
this is especially true for Hispanic Women.
or
especially Hispanic Women
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Dec 1, 2015   #3
Sasha, I'd like to share my thoughts on your essay.

- However,I share the same love my grandmother
- isshe's special to me because she

- My grandmother is aware of this

- Because ofWith her infinite determination,

- especially inwith regards to pursuing my dreams.
- Therefore, I am so grateful to have a figure like her in my life,

There you have is Sasha, a few corrections for your essay, overall, it's written well, just a few remarks and your revised one should

have that content that the prompt is asking you to write about, mind your linking verbs when you do your revision.


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