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my enthusiasm - Tufts Supp! Who I am


jenyooinx3 1 / -  
Jan 4, 2010   #1
Any and all comments appreciated! Mine is about 320 words when it needs to be around 250 words so a little trimming would be nice =)

Self-identity and personal expression take many forms. For example, music, clothing, politics, extracurricular interests, and ethnicity can each be a defining attribute. Do you surf or tinker? Are you a vegetarian poet who loves Ayn Rand? Do you prefer YouTube or test tubes? Are you preppie or Goth? Use the richness of your life to give us insight: what voice will you add to the Class of 2014?

I love Georgia O'Keeffe's philosophy behind her paintings. A single flower covers the whole canvass to impart a beautiful yet simple message: take time to stop and cherish the small things in life. Though some feel that keeping track of the small things clutters life, I disagree wholeheartedly. Finding beauty in what people normally dismiss helps me squeeze out the "juices" of life. I am someone who gets a kick out of my frequent nature walks or visits to antique stores. I go analogy crazy. Recently, I walked across a field covered in snow and stopped in front of a trail of a raccoon's delicate footprints. I felt warm knowing I am not alone living in this world; but I also felt responsible for protecting the environment, reminded that the earth is not just ours to harm. As I walk past old and hand-made trinkets, I am reminded of the hard work a generation dedicates to successfully pass down its values down to the next generation. I am also the petite, lion-maned Asian that carries an SLR camera glued around my neck as I stop ever so often snap a picture of literally everything. I am convinced that everything I see- even the dying flower and the deep crevices of a tree's trunk- was intricately made by God.

Though I have a special place in my heart for the small things, my heart pulsates for my bigger dreams, whether it is traveling the world to continue showcasing nature's beauty through working for National Geographic, working under the Korean government to alleviate suicide and alcoholism rates, designing websites for humanitarian non-profits probono, or empowering youth as a teacher or pastor.

Small treasures and big dreams collide within me to create a voice of the enthusiasm to live and discover life. Hopefully, my enthusiasm will motivate peers in Tufts' Undergraduate Class of 2014 to look at life with a magnifying glass but also move on to strive for greater passions.
meisj0n 8 / 272 2  
Jan 4, 2010   #2
Hey you!

Though some feel that keeping track of the small things clutters life, I disagree wholeheartedly.

While some may argue that*...

I am someone who gets a kick out of my frequent nature walks or visits to antique stores. I go analogy crazy.

I like that word -kick. However, what does analogy crazy have to do with the prev. sentence? o yea, another thing, why mention yourself as someone who? why not, I get a kick out of*...?

I am also the petite, lion-maned Asian that carries an SLR camera glued around my neck as I stop ever so often snap a picture of literally everything.

nice imagery

Though I have a special place in my heart for the small things, my heart pulsates for my bigger dreams, whether it is traveling the world to continue showcasing nature's beauty through working for National Geographic, working under the Korean government to alleviate suicide and alcoholism rates, designing websites for humanitarian non-profits probono, or empowering youth as a teacher or pastor.

WOAH~ quite a mouthful. maybe break these into smaller ideas? or if you want to keep them, it a tad too long... heart and heart = [<3] heart squared xD

try not to use hopefully? I've tried using it too, but it sounds rather off.
You keeo going, you move from one painting to antiques to paws to antiques to camera-girl to career to a BIG picture. maybe a short thing about paintings, an intro about your "voice/self-identity" you talk much about self-expression, so I guess that's covered. yes you do show the richness of your life, but maybe organize those riches better? (hint: more paragraphs/break the one you have into smaller ones)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 14, 2010   #3
I love the philosophy behind some of Georgia O'Keeffe's philosophy behind her paintings.

I am someone who gets a kick out of my frequent nature walks or visits to antique stores. ------this is great!

I go analogy crazy. --- this does not seem so great. What do analogies hae to do with any of this. Maybe this sentence can be replaced...

I see that Jon gave some great advice here, too. Yes, at the end, you give a nice conclusion, quite powerful -- but it could use one more sentence to express your intentions... something for the reader to remember as s/he finishes the essay.

:-)


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