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Before entering high school, I had endured through my social shyness and anxiety


abcxyz 1 / 1  
Nov 29, 2009   #1
Prompt #2 (all applicants)
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Before entering high school, I had endured through my social shyness and anxiety that had plagued my success as a student and my ability to communicate with others. Upon entering high school, I decided that this nuisance would have to come to an end and that I would have to overcome it through confronting these social situations and learning how to conquer my shyness and anxiety. In my freshmen year, I acknowledged my need to defeat my dearth of social propensities by pondering various solutions such as joining school sports teams, clubs, exploring job opportunities as well as getting involved in my community through different volunteering activities. I initiated the first step in overcoming my social inadequacies , by joining my school's chemistry club, in which I interacted and became friends with my fellow students as we implemented our ardor for science into the various enthralling labs and activities. The next step on the ladder of my social successes was initiated when I applied my passion for running into joining my school's cross country team. I met other students who were equally fervent with their love for running and competing and learned to develop my social skills as I interacted with my teammates. As I developed and enhanced both my running and social skills, I became a leader for my team and was eventually named Varsity team captain. I implemented new workouts which would enhance our ability to succeed as a team and further the team's yearning for success. The next step I took to advance my overcoming of my past social propensities that had handicapped my success in high school was initiated when applying my developing social skills into volunteering in various community activities. With my strong desire and determination to become a veterinarian following my collegiate education at UC Davis, I began volunteering at my local animal shelter, assisting my members of my community to connect with animals that had needed a loving family, as I furthered my growth as a social member of my society. I also began tutoring fellow students who struggled to graduate high school and as I enhanced my social skills, I conceived confidence in my peers as they became more successful high school students. With the social skills that I have developed throughout my high school education through connecting with my peers and community, I now realize my future successes that I can acquire at UC Davis
OP abcxyz 1 / 1  
Nov 29, 2009   #2
If someone could give me some tips asap, that would be great. I'm in a rush.
Pscholler 2 / 3  
Nov 29, 2009   #3
I liked the use of descriptive words but I think the first sentence should be changed in order to better clarify what you are trying to get across.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 1, 2009   #4
Before entering high school, I had endured adversity associated with my social shyness and anxiety that had limited my success as a student and my ability to communicate with others.

This should be split into 3 paragraphs. Let the intro introduce the reader to the main idea. Then, para #2 can explain it. You have some nice reflection at the end, so let that be para #3.

This does not need both developed and enhanced: As I developed and enhanced both my running and social skills, I became a leader for my team and was eventually named Varsity team captain.----> awesome, that must have been empowering for an introvert.

With the social skills that I have developed throughout my high school education through connecting with my peers and community, I now realize my great potential fo r future successes that I can acquire at UC Davis.


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