"my dream and aspiration to become Doctor" - UC prompt #1

Prompt #1

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Im really stuck with this...This is all i have...

From The First day I stepped into the hospital with my father, my dream and aspiration to become Doctor was determined. The look on his patients faces as they arrived and departed from his office with inordinate happiness, made me want to help others like him. Throughout the months that followed whether at the Dentist for a cleaning, at the pediatrician for a routine checkup, or dinner with my family who have a rich tradition as physicians, medicine was all around me.

When I turned sixteen I was fortunate enough to become a volunteer at ... and work with my father. It was the best medical experience I had till this point, and I did not take any of it for granted. I was mesmerized by the site of the colossal Hypobaric Chamber's yet curious to find out what they do.

Any ideas or help is appreciated thanks alot!

I will try to edit your essay if you help me with mine!

Instead of was determined replace with evolve. Much easy and straight to the point.

Throughout the months that followed whether at the Dentist for a cleaning, at the pediatrician for a routine checkup, or dinner with my family who have a rich tradition as physicians, medicine was all around me. Make this more clear are you trying to state that this are experiences that also made your realize you want to become a doctor.

When I turned sixteen, I was fortunate enough to become a volunteer at ..., and work with my father.

Is this for prompt one or two, because it seems it fits more to prompt two? Although it seems your father forms part of the medical field or works at a hospital. If so you can write the prompt about him, and how is work and determination made you strive to become a doctor. The points you have made are really good but are experiences that impacted your life. This information does not give any insight in the world you originated, your background, your personality, or your determination to apply. If you just let your brain flow instead of stressing to much you will come up with some great ideas.

Oh by the way, you dont have to check mine I already submit it.

So i should write less about myself, and more about my father?

Not exactly what I said. If your father is in some in the medical field you can write a way he inspired you to become a doctor. Also the what you mentioned in the beginning, that experience can be expanded, and you can make it more personal. Remeber universities want to know the person you are, and how your background, family, and obstacles helped you form your purpose and inspirations in life.

By the way if you dont mind, what UCs are you applying to?

Try changing the name of your thread, maybe you would be unsuspended.

You are trying too hard. Just tell a story, then put it into more professional words. The reason you're having writer's block is you're trying to come up with all the "big words" first, without having a direction beforehand.

Best wishes.

thanks alot for the input, i agree that im over thinking this alot...

@dcarreno1

UCSB, UC Davis, UC santa cruz, UCSD.

Im currently rewriting the paragraph and will post my new stuff soon.

Thanks again!