Prompt: Describe how you envision your two years in the Haas undergraduate program. What impact do you hope to have on your peers?
When accepted to Haas, I intend to embody the four pillars, first by committing to make my education and future career in business reach beyond myself-because for me, the allure of business is not just the allure of financial gain, but rather the ability of a business to provide a product or service that improves the common good and to promote social equity as it grows. It is through embracing this idea that businesses should strive for social impact that I hope to question the status quo at Berkeley, and in my professional career, by challenging the prevailing notion that the bottom line of a business' income statement is all that matters. This is a plan that I believe is both noble and actionable.
In practice, this would mean expanding my knowledge of how business can have widespread social impact by taking classes such as Leading Nonprofit and Social Enterprises and Topics in Non-Profit Management as well as by engaging with The Center for Social Sector Leadership. With this knowledge, I would endeavor to have an impact on my fellow students by seeking leadership positions in consulting-based student groups that strive to give innovative recommendations to growing businesses. Through my leadership position in this type of organization, I would encourage a departure from solely profit-based recommendations, and encourage the consideration of factors such as social impact. In doing so, however, I would also strive to learn from my peers, and understand that my involvement in such a group should be a give and take relationship. I would constantly seek unique insights from others-particularly those who are more interested in the finance side of the business world-because I believe the synergy of a wide range of perspectives will lead to the most socially equitable and financially responsible outcome. I believe that through this type of intellectual exchange, we could give recommendations that will help local businesses impact their community through financially supporting important causes, while also improving financially by getting tax write-offs for their social contributions.
The Haas School of Business is my dream school both because it embodies the values of self-improvement and confidence that have allowed me to excel in community college as captain of the women's soccer team and a board member of AGS, and because I know it will provide me with the technical skills and intellectual savvy that it takes to make it in the competitive business landscape. I am confident that by attending Berkeley, I will develop the accounting, finance and management skills that it takes to run a business, but more importantly, will be exposed to an intellectually stimulating climate that will allow me to learn from others and become more well-rounded and creative through my exposure to diverse perspectives. With the likes of Mark Zuckerberg beginning to recognize the importance of philanthropic work to improving our future, my dream is to be part of the changing tide that sees business as a means of improving social equity. I firmly believe that an education at Berkeley's Haas School of business will allow me to realize this dream.
Melissa, you have a perfect start in response to the requirement of the prompt. However, you are too focused on the academic aspect of your life at Berkley. this is evident in the way that you will opt to join a student organization that still focuses on your field of interest and your desire to push for a better training experience through it. That is the tone that your essay carries throughout and that is the weak point of the essay.
While you were right to refer to an academic organization membership in relation to your 2 year plans at the university. That should not be the sole focus of your response. Note that the prompt is open in topic choice so you could go academic or social in response. A balance response to the prompt, would have shown both an academic and extra curricular interest or development over the next 2 years. After all, you are at the university to enhance both your intellectual and emotional I.Q. to better prepare you for your professional career. This is your chance to create your future professional network. So don't focus on the academic development of your university life alone.
Balance out the discussion by offering an interest in the non-academic side of your development at the school as well. that should take the place of your discussion about why the Haas business school is your dream school. That is not required information anyway and should not be placed in this essay. The prompt has specific requirements and only your balanced response to the question should be presented to the reviewer.
