My Why Upenn Essay. Need editing and comments
Dear diary, after consulting Professor O'Brian, I emailed CURF the detailed plan of my new project. Hopefully CURF will give it a go so I can finally experiment the ideas I came up with in last month's class discussion. After dinner at Houston Hall, I called my friends in Columbia University and they were shocked when they heard about my my project.
"Shouldn't this be the job for graduates? Why bother?"
"Because I want to do something. Besides, I'm a Penn student."
It's so rewarding to know that after three years many of my crazy ideas have crystalized into tangible plans and projects that is on the way to help people in need. When I submitted my application that October, I put "undecided" for my major choice, not because I felt apathetic or confused about my future, but I bothered about so many unresolved questions awaiting me to tackle, from whether infinitesimal particles or strings or something else make up our universe, to how to ameliorate the inequality of education and to embellish slums with euphonious music. I was, and am, ravenous, ready to explore the uncharted territories and make, not a, but a plethora of changes.
My passion therefore aligned me with the wisest decision that I have ever made. Penn's CAS, along with the famous and unique "One University" policy, is a perfect match for the ravenously undecided. I took several management classes in Wharton school as a CAS student, adding the business element to my scientific mind. I also learnt something about digital media design in Penn Engineering school last semester. And in CAS, my always welcoming home, I sailed through the abstract and concrete aspects of human sagacity, met a bunch of pretty cool friends, and embraced epiphanies every day. As I got to know my favorite subjects through "dates", I met my perfect match as if it was predestined. Wait, you want to know which one? Well, let's leave it to tomorrow's story.
As I constantly challenge myself, and savor the tears and joy, I increasingly resonate with a quote on Quad's bathroom door: Any fool can know. The point is to understand. While the latter is often adequately and deservedly stressed, the former is no less important. In CAS we integrate the knowledge and make traditions meet innovation. But this is possible only after we have the required knowledge and deep understanding, for the knowledge projects the "tradition" as it originally is, while understanding pinpoints the areas demanding, and possible for, "innovation". Every encounter, no matter in lab, essay, or class discussion, serves as not only a way to deepen the understanding, a chance to engage beyond the classroom, but also an opportunity to open a window that makes the world a better place.
So it comes back to the starting point. Crouching in the nook on the fourth floor of Van Pelt, as the sun gradually goes down and sheds its balmy glory, I ask myself: How will I write my own Page 217? How will I enrich others' Page 217? Well, I don't have a definite answer yet. But as a Junior, I have so many, mostly crazy, ideas, as if I were still the zealous high school student bearing ambitious ideas of bettering the world.
It's so rewarding to know that after three years many of my crazy ideas have crystalized into tangible
Wow, nice job here.. and I like the idea of making it a diary entry! This will be well received.
... and make
, not a, but a plethora of changes.--- I think it's too much to say 'not a but'... and perhaps this is not specific and meaningful enough to be the sentence that ends the first paragraph. Can you change it or add a sentence so that at the end of the first paragraph the reader knows the main idea of the essay?Maybe it's good to add just a very short sentence to plant an idea in the reader's mind.
As I constantly challenge myself, and
I savor the tears and joy; I increasingly resonate with a quote on Quad's bathroom door: "Any ...--- I added " marks to start the quote. I also added a semi-colon to prevent it from being a run-on sentence.
You have an excellent writing style! This is a work of art.
