'a convenience store in a small town' - Princeton - What did you do this summer

Please take a look at my essay! I decided to Princeton very last minute and I was able to put this together. Be harsh

Please tell us how you have spent the last two summers (or vacations between school years), including any jobs you have held, if not already detailed on the Common Application.

"Thank you, have a nice day!" I said as the nice man with the two little kids left the store. Then as my brother tended to the next customers, I went to my dad who was fixing a display rack. I picked up a hammer and got straight to work. After a few hours of sweat and a little blood caused by a stray nail, it was finally 11 o'clock. Closing time. My dad, my brother, and I did the daily check out and locked up for the night. We headed home, talking about the interesting events of the day during the entire ride. This is what I did for the past two summers.

My dad owns a convenience store in a small town in northern Florida. Before moving to Texas, this was my home. But even after moving to Texas, my family returns every summer. It's a big change going from a bustling and busy city to a small town where almost everybody knows each other. I would be bored to death if it weren't for working at my dad's store. Whenever a regular costumer sees me, they immediately recognize me from before I moved and say how I'm not the tiny kid I used to be and we converse about life. This is what kept life interesting.

Everything seems slower in a small town. The cars seem slower, people seem slower, even time itself seems slower. At first, it's nice to get away from the big city, but soon boredom rears its ugly head. To combat this revolting villain, I resorted to work and my new hobby of programming. I see programming as a new world and it is free for me to mold into any image I please. The specific world I was dealing with last summer was the iPhone. I had never programmed for the device before but I had always wanted to try it. I dreamed to see my name on the "top apps" page of the app market more than anything that summer, so I got to work. Whenever I asked my brother or sister for help, they'd retort a sarcastic answer like "why don't you just ask Steve Jobs?" But their discouragement only fueled my desire to get it done. I learned the entire language, the interface, the syntax, and came up with an idea for a game all on my own and I got it done. I plan to launch my game in March 2012.

Other than working and programming, I just enjoyed the little things in life. I went to the beach and watched as the waves licked the sand. I ran and played basketball whenever I got the chance. And I spent quality time with my family. I may not have had something amazing to say when my teachers asked me "what did you do this summer?" but I definitely had a good time.

this prompt seems like one that should be answered by one event or connected with common meaning events. i like your description of your dad's store and the small town big town differences. but other than causing your boredom. they don't seem to have an effect your programming. i don't feel any passion in this essay is the main problem. i feel as though you are disconnected from what you are doing. doing as simple to avoid boredom. this essay wouldn't help your chances of entering if i was the on reviewing it

I think you could improve this essay by explaining your emotions rather than talking about what you did. Add a little passion and make the essay stand out!