"Computer science runs in the family" - motivation to transfer, academic interests

In an essay of 300 words or less, explain your motivation to transfer from your current/former institution to Illinois and how your academic interests and/or professional goals will be fulfilled in your intended program of study.

Computer science, which is my major, runs in the family. My dad learnt about computers during his college years, my brother has two to three years of experience of computer science. There passion for computers made me look into it which I later learned to love. In Nigeria were I was born, computers have not really made an impact in the country. However, they do have computers but the technology there isn't as sophisticated or advanced as it is here in United States. I feel that I could use my skills learnt here and help change the computers is seen not just in my country, but in other foreign nations. I started in a two-year college to first see what computer science is all about. I have been attending Triton College for almost two years and though they do have Computer Science as there, major course they do not have the degree I am aiming for. I believe University of Illinois at Urbana-Champiagn well be able to prepare do this degree and help me achieve my goals in life. The standard of education at UIUC tops many of the Illinois university I have looked upon.

This is a part of my essay i need some tips on finishing it, and some corrections. Also adjustments will be helpful

I don't think your first sentence is strong. It doesn't grab the readers attention
And the word learnt should be learned

Well according to "Oleh" my first sentence isnt strong. I need help on showing that my intrest in computer science came from the determination and passion of my dad and brother.

Well.. i think your essay need to be strong. Why you love computer science, what is amazing about it. Also put any experience or any thing that you have done. I will also want to talk more about Nigeria.

I am from Nigeria too.
put details.
I hope that helps.
I am also working on my essays :)