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Common App Essay Rough Draft - 'meaningful identity'


quatranglette 1 / -  
Oct 23, 2015   #1
Hi, this is the (very rough) rough draft of my Common App essay. I was hoping that I could gain some direction from outside sources before I begin revising so that I know I'm getting somewhere. The prompt is:

"Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story."

Common App Essay, 250-650 words:

Throughout my life, I have dedicated myself to both understanding myself as I am and developing myself into the person I want to be. For the past six years, I have grown to understand a part of my identity so thoroughly and personally that I absolutely believe my application would be incomplete without it. This facet of myself has led to many struggles and confrontations, and my unwillingness to hide it or be ashamed of it have led to significantly more. In seventh grade, I came to understand my sexuality. Many of my crushes had been on other girls, and when I really stopped to consider that, the realization that I am bisexual was a fairly simple one. I am not prone to denial or shame; I prefer to accept reality and work with it to achieve something positive. I am also a fairly honest, even blunt person. In eighth grade, I began the process of coming out.

My small town of Richmond, Illinois is not the first thing that comes to mind when one thinks 'progressive' or 'understanding', and my parents are a particular brand of conservative Christian that comes with a deeply ingrained homophobia. Because of this, I began the process of coming out with my close friends, and then my peers at school. I quickly began attached to the Dr. Seuss quote, "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind". I learned a lot about fostering relationships with people that are healthy for me, and distancing myself emotionally from those that are unhealthy for me. My refusal to allow myself to be made to feel badly about myself led to a deep understanding of my own mental health, and a determination to take care of myself mentally.

When I came out to my parents, I knew I was making my life significantly more difficult. However, I refused to hide a part of myself that I was not ashamed of, that I should not feel as though I have to hide. This lead to a many-year barrage of passive aggression, guilt tripping, and constant surveillance by my parents. Even though as time goes on, my parents have become slightly more comfortable with my sexuality - at the very least, they are not actively trying to change it - even now I see every conversation as one I must navigate strategically.

However, as I've progressed through high school, this part of my identity has become a great source of joy. My love of activism and my dedication to changing society for the better has become a deep part of my character; one that I may not have if I wasn't bi, or if I hadn't had to grow up in a repressed town with homophobic parents with my self confidence and security in my identity intact. In taking something that so many people have tried to make me feel ashamed of or uncomfortable with, most of all the very people that I am supposed to be able to trust the most, and turning it into a source of joy and motivation, I feel a great sense of pride in myself; I truly feel that any application to a college, the next step in my personal development, would be incomplete without it.
johnjr121 4 / 8  
Oct 23, 2015   #2
Hey! After reading this i came away with the feeling that you have a very formal tone. I think if you tried to get rid of that formal tone and show your voice a little more it would take your essay a long way. Colleges are really interested in finding out about you, and giving them your voice in an essay is a great way to showcase yourself. Hope this helps!
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Oct 25, 2015   #3
- understanding myself as I am and developing myself into the person I want to be.
- I am not prone to denial or shame;, I prefer to

- Because of this, I began the process of coming out began with my close friends,

- This lead to a many-yearyears if barrage, of passive aggression,
- Even thoughA s time goes on,
- my parents have beca me slightly more comfortable with my
- sexuality -, at the very least,
- they are not actively trying to change it -, even

-part of my character;, one that I may not have if
- I wasn't bisexual ( make sure you don't abbreviate words in your essay ) ,
- or if I hadn't haddidn't to grow up in

Codi, the only way to be happy and content with life, is when you feel happy being you. The first step for people to accept you as the person you are is for you to accept yourself first and having achieved this is the very step that you took early than most people would, what can I say, congratulations and I'm happy that you are one with your family and they have accepted you whole heartedly.

Now, on your essay, I believe you were able to cover the prompt and you have strongly incorporated life's struggles with your essay.

I wish you the best of luck.


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