[Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence. I chose my old english teacher but touched on my personal thoughts and interests. PLEASE TELL ME IF: This is too wordy, "passionate," etc. and let me know if it flows]
I first began to appreciate reading and expressionism in eighth grade. My late teacher, Mr. Robert Weamer, taught my class of twelve both math and literature. Although I did not excel so highly in math, his reading and writing assignments really made me think. He was the first teacher to ask me, "What do YOU think about that?" in regards to a novel, and that was very eye opening. I got to incorporate my own perspective into my writing for the first time. He would give me feedback on my thoughts through my "reflection journal," and encouraged me to continue reading, drawing, and exploring my mind.
I quote novelist Mark Slouka in his article Dehumanized, "We are well on our way to producing a nation of employees, not citizens." This quote reminds me of Mr. Weamer and a few English teachers through out my high school career that have kept me thinking, evaluating, reading, or making art. These I value very much and will carry for the rest of my life.
With all the deadlines and expectations and standards for "success" in school and America, many students become their own worst critic and do not stop to think for themselves. "Why do you think the artists you like so much are so popular?" Weamer had asked me. It is because they did stop and think. Mr. Weamer helped me to find my outlet, expand upon it and compelled me to keep getting educated, so that I may be successful in my own terms.
This is short, simple, and heartfelt. I like it for those reasons, but it could be stronger and longer. Avoid vague modifiers like "really" and "very." Add more details about Mr.Weamer: Bring him to life on the page. Also, be sure to mention at least one novel or other art work to which he introduced you. Finally, my initial reading of the essay was skewed by your use of the word "expressionism," which is a style of art... I kept waiting for you to go to the museum to discover it. I'm thinking you mean "expressiveness" or "self-expression" instead.
