HELP PLEASE! Please be harsh. I am EAing so I really need a strong, coherent essay.
On commonapp it doesn't really give a word count for this essay. Mine is less than a page long (Times new roman, 12pt).
How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to UChicago.
I remember the first time I read Against Interpretation. It was 2 o'clock in the morning. I was sitting in my bed, and as I reached the finishing lines of the magnificently written polemic, I jumped out of bed and punched in the air out of sheer delight and excitement. I realized at that moment what I wanted to do with my life - I wanted to become a critic.
What I soon realized was that to become a critic, I needed to know about everything. A critic is someone who sees things on the whole continuum, who sees the bigger picture. When other people dismissed B films as cheap exploitation, Sontag saw them as a metaphor for the decline and ambiguity in artistic morality. In order to sculpt myself into the critic I know I have the potential to become, what I need, above all, is a UChicago education. An education that lets 'knowledge grow from more to more'. At UChicago, I will be able to explore my areas of interest in greater depth, but more importantly, I have boundless intellectual freedom to explore things I knew little, or never even heard, about. With a general education that branches out into six different areas of knowledge, UChicago ensures that my mind will be stretched to its widest possible dimensions, which is the fundamental foundation to becoming a critic.
More importantly, UChicago is somewhere I belong. I have always been an oddball, someone who does not really fit in traditional molds. As a third culture kid, I have never been 'nice' enough to be Canadian, but not reserved enough to be traditionally Chinese either. People often see me as a bookworm, and rightly so, but my inability to talk without pop culture references also confuse them - 'if you watch so many movies, how do you have time to read?' Perhaps this was the reason that I decided to write my Extended Essay for the International Baccalaureate on how Thomas Pynchon subverts expectations in The Crying of Lot 49. I only believe in expectations to the extent that they should be destroyed, something that echoes with UChicago's own ethos to 'challenge accepted ideas.' Yes, I have always been eccentric, which is the reason that I know for sure that I will take to UChicago like fish to water. At UChicago, there is no 'correct' way to do something, only endless ideas on how something could be done. With its strong emphasis on Socratic method and 'disdain for dogma and conventionality', UChicago is the only place I can imagine myself studying at. Only at UChicago, will my critical thinking skills be sharpened to their finest.
It is always hard to describe the best minds of their generations. When people speak of Da Vinci, the list goes on: painter, architect, historian, botanist... Years later, when people speak of Cecily Chen, I wish for myself the same: critic, postmodernist, philosopher, writer, UChicago graduate.
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THANK YOU SO MUCH
Thank you so much! >< Any advice on the topic I chose/word count/etc? I want to make sure it's the best possible essay and if it isn't I'm willing to rewrite it...
I think you have done a great job in explaining why you choose Uchicago. You should make sure that you are explaining the true reason of attending Uchicago and why it is a good fit for you. Perhaps you can write more about academics and what major you want to study in.
Cecily try to better develop your first paragraph. It is too short and should contain much more information than it does at the moment. I can understand that you decided to become a critic after what you read because you specifically say that. However, you don't really indicate the reasons that led you to that conclusion. Sometimes, when you say that you want to be or become something, it is important that you show the development of that conclusion in order to give the statement validity. Kindly try to do that in your first paragraph in order to help strengthen the conviction of your desire to become a critic.
As you explain those reasons, try to connect those with how you came to the realization that U Chicago was the best place for you to accomplish that. Aside from the information that you gave about how you fit in with their objectives, perhaps you would like to consider mentioning a few notable critics who matriculated from the university. Explain how their influence upon you, no doubt based upon the influence of UChicago at the time, has helped you develop yourself into a amateur critic.
The rest of your discussion in the essay can be considered quite complete and useful. I would not suggest anything be changed with what you wrote. However, just like all other essays, there is always room for improvement. I believe I have found some parts that you can further improve in order to make the essay more convincing for the reviewer. I hope you consider my suggestions :-)
Hi Tom :-) Why are you using a female identity by the name of Cecily? Are you borrowing her account?
Anyway, The sentences that you added really helped the essay. Before you wrote those lines, there was a lack of fluidity and transition in the essay. The information that you included certainly helped the flow of the essay. It is now smoother to read and offers the reviewer the opportunity to understand the basis of your interest in English.
Speaking of English as your major, I suggest that you include a mention of that within the essay. English is actually the reason you are enrolling at U Chicago. Your ambition to become a critic is a spin off of your interest in that field. By all means, please try to connect English and your future career ambitions in the essay. If there is anything special about the English curriculum of U Chicago that impresses you then discuss that too. Added to the core values talk, it should help portray you as a well rounded college bound person.
Now, regarding the word count. Normally and essay of this type has a minimum of 250 words and a maximum of 500. You can bat for 300 words as a proper length for the essay. If you have access to the university website chat, email, or if you can call the administration office, you can most likely get a confirmation regarding the word count. The rule of thumb however, is that you have to keep it short but informative in order to keep the attention of the reviewer.
Good luck with your application :-)
Hi, I would like to further the help you receive from other EF contributors, I hope this helps.
- In order to sculpt myself into theand be a critic...
- I know I have the potential to become, what I need, above all, isone and a..
- ...UChicago education is what would need .
- An education that lets 'knowledge grow from more to moresubstantial .'
- butand more importantly,
- I have boundlessthere is no boundaries for intellectual freedom...
- ...dimensions,- something the fundamentals to becoming a critic.
- More importantly,Furthermore UChicago
- is some where I belong.
- As a third culture kid,( I'm sorry but what do you mean by " a third culture kid" )
- It'sisalways hardgoing to take a while to elaborate to describe the best - minds of their generations of UC .
- YearsSooner or later, when people...
Well, becoming a critic is something very interesting, a challenging role that requires expertise in almost all aspects of life unless you have expertise which I believe yours fall in the English language or literature and this by the way needs to be established in your essay, because if I were to conduct an admissions process, I suppose you will have a major at least. Overall, it's well written, good enough for admission however for future reference, make sure that you use words that are conversational and not to make your readers guess what or where the essay is leading to.
The best of luck to you and do let us know how it goes!!!
